Posts Tagged ‘communication

27
Jun
10

GAY MEN vs GAY WOMEN

Lacey & Jessica invited one of their FAVORITE gay couples Mark & James to discuss the separation between male and female gays. Why do we divide the nights, why can’t we all be together?

If you are having trouble viewing this on facebook just click – http://www.afterellen.com/blog/trishbendix/video-lacey-jessica-lesbian-love-episode-33

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05
Nov
09

Are we ready to move in together?

Moving in is a Tricking Topic for budding new relationships. In this episode Jessica and Lacey talk about the crucial steps that go into that all encompassing decision…  Are we ready to move in together?

There is a strong gay theme in this episode, however many universal truths are uncovered as well… Enjoy! 🙂

28
Aug
08

Heeeyyyyy!!! Is it worth the risk?

Here at SweatCity we’re all about challenging ourselves to be the best that we can be.  We’re all about personal growth, about ‘stretch’, about striving to evolve.  We try to apply this to every area of our lives, to our bodies; how fit and strong they are, how lean and defined or muscular, how they feel from the inside out.  We try to apply it to our careers, to our personal lives, to our friendships.

So why does nobody ever mention that it’s actually those times of stretch and growth that are often the most difficult to deal with in a relationship?  I hear how hard it is for people who are trying to implement positive, healthful changes in the food choices they make, or increasing the regularity of their gym visits, when their friends or partner just isn’t supportive.  It’s a common theme that we rarely take into account. 

Writing this blog is an interesting experience because sometimes for me it’s a case of opening up about my learning process while I’m still learning and growing into it myself.  Lacey and I have been disagreeing a lot recently. Not about anything really, and I can understand if that sounds strange.  But we’ve both been working incredibly hard at evolving as women, as professionals, as individuals. 

These are all wonderful things to focus on, and I honestly believe that they’re at the core of any healthy relationship.  But perhaps because we’d got to a greater level of intimacy and commitment in the relationship we hadn’t necessarily been communicating these changes, this individual growth that we’d both been experiencing as people.   I assumed she knew.  She had her own ideas about what was happening.  When it appeared that the two different stories didn’t mesh, instead of trying to explain where I was coming from in the first place, I would either get hurt, or angry.

Where was the anger coming from?  I think somewhere deep inside I was retreating to a place that said “She should KNOW how you feel.  And if she doesn’t, it’s because she doesn’t care enough to find out.”  Which is all very well and good if I want to be a passive aggressive five year old for the rest of my life; but not so much if I want to continue to grow as a woman and nurture my relationship at the same time.

The truth is that whatever positive changes are happening in our lives, whatever amazing steps we’re taking to be more and more the person we know we’re capable of, we have to communicate this to our friends and loved ones if we really want them to know, understand and be supportive of us.  Whether it’s losing weight, or trying to get a promotion, or working on becoming more assertive in our personal lives, if we keep it to ourselves, if we don’t share how excited we are to be evolving, how proud, how scared….

If they don’t know that we’re doing it to feel better/sexier in ourselves…. which then in turn means we feel better/sexier in the relationship, or to get the kind of job we (and they) can be really proud of us for, if we’re trying to speak up so they can know and love the real us, then they may be thinking our motive are something entirely different.  That we’re working out to attract a hotter mate than them, or cooler friends, that we need a promotion because we think they don’t make enough money, that we’re speaking up more, or more assertively than they’re used to because we’re fed up with them, that we don’t care anymore.  Everybody has their own insecurities and fears.  I know I do….  That the person I am, the person I want to be won’t be liked, won’t be wanted.

It’s a risk, opening yourself up, it’s scary that maybe they’ll laugh when we tell them why we really want to work harder, eat healthier food, or drink less alcohol.  And yes I guess that’s possible.  But I truly believe that most people in our lives want to be there, and want to know us for who we really are.  We are cheating ourselves and them if we deny them the opportunity to really know who we are and who we dream of being.

So I’ve been committing myself to taking that risk, and this blog is a part of that.

Is there a risk that you’ve wanted to take recently?  Did you do it? Will you take it?




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