Gay Marriage

“You may take this woman….. Or not!” Jessica and Lacey discuss whether Gay marriage is worth us fighting for, and what’s at stake for us and the women we love.


13 Responses to “Gay Marriage”

  1. 1 Dawn
    January 18, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    Yeah for Iowa… Times like these I like being an Iowa native.
    However my partner of the last 14 years doesn’t see it as all that wonderful, she doesn’t see it as all that big of a deal until it if federally approved. As she has said, “What’s the point of getting married in one state if it isn’t legal in the next state over.” WE have done our own ceremony between God and us.

    I would have to agree with her, what is the point of marriage in some states when the federal gv’t isn’t willing to give us ALL the rights. Until that is done it is just a ceremony between two people and witnesses, nothing more.

  2. January 19, 2010 at 5:26 am

    Hello everyone,

    Personally i think marriage’s meaning can be so different and vary in everyone’s mind. I think it is a bit over rated in the fact that people say life changes after IT, that you are never the same, that you become old and boring and blah blah. To me, i think, that if you have lived with your lover for a certain period of time, after marriage, it is just the same but with the new joy of your new way of commitment. That’s where it all becomes over rated, most couples haven’t lived together before marriage, and that’s the shocker and not marriage itself.

    On the other hand, legally, i agree with everything that Jessica said. I do not think its fair for us gays to not have the same recognitions as straight people do, and i am probably missing many of them, but such important ones like your child’s life decisions, your household, the money that you have worked for with your gf or bf during a certain period of time, and so on. I know, and everyone must know, us gays work as hard in every aspect of our lives just as straight people do, but we, unfortunately, have plenty of other things to struggle with, and this is one of the main ones.

    Don’t take this wrong, but after watching your video i just felt angry, it reminded me of how many things we are denied as the LGBT community. It made me realize that in a way, we have gotten used to, and put in the back of our minds, the fact that we are seen different, that most of our life decisions are being dealt with by people who have no clue of who we are as individuals, and it is great to get reminders like this, and i am glad you ladies take the time to express your opinion, because it is as real as it can get, that is how passionately most of us gays feel towards our right to marry, and it reminds us and lets everyone else know we are going to fight for equality.

    At the end of the day we do not have the same freedom as straight people do, not only in marriage, but in every other aspect, and we should never be seen as different.

  3. 3 steph
    January 19, 2010 at 7:34 am

    I totally agree with you guys. I think that it is important to have our rights. I don’t really mind if they call it marriage or…I think that marriage is a big commitment and also a big step but the best is to have the rights first. When you marry, you can’t swear to love, protect… and do what you say to your wife or husband since you don’t have the right to afterward…I hope everyone becomes more open minded about relationships between a man and a man or a woman and a woman…I hope you understand what I am saying…sorry…

  4. January 19, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    The only institution that guarantees all the rights you want, Jessica, is marriage. That’s just the way it is; marriage is the only way to get all the state and all the federal rights equal to those given to straight couples. I’ve heard some people say, “Well, okay then! Let’s strip the rights from the sacrament, make everyone (gay and straight) get a civil marriage, and if they so choose, they can get their marriage blessed in their church!” (This is how they do it in Germany, for instance.) Great suggestion, but totally unrealistic. We have to work within the system we’ve got and, unfortunately, in the US, that system grants 1100+ federal rights/protections and numerous state rights/protections through marriage, whether it takes place in a church, Vegas, or at city hall.

    What really irks me is that the people holding the “traditional marriage” signs, the people who say marriage is between one man and one woman, don’t get that marriage, the institution, was invented during the Middle Ages and had to do with property and the ownership of women!! But I digress…

    What I really wish is that the phrase “gay marriage” would be replaced by the phrase “marriage equality” because “gay marriage” makes it sound like we’re asking for special rights; “gay marriage” reinforces our position as second-class citizens in this country. “Marriage equality”, on the other hand, shines the spotlight on the truth so many people don’t want to accept: that from sea to shining sea, millions of Americans are prohibited from enjoying one of the most basic tenets of our Constitution: equal protection under the law. What we’re seeking is marriage equality. Marriage is the only way to true equality.

    Finally, my partner and I spent $20,000 on a commitment ceremony. We also registered as domestic partners in our home state of WI. These just didn’t cut it for me. These kept me in my box of “separate…and not even close to equal”. When we travelled to Iowa to marry legally, however, THAT’S the one that felt most real. There’s no feeling like it in the world.

  5. 5 dens13
    January 20, 2010 at 2:25 am

    Here’s my argument…two words: Britney Spears.

    Not ONLY did this woman have a drunken, Vegas marriage that was shorter in duration than a good orgasm…But after she had that whole mess sorted out, she THEN went ahead and married again, had two children, and proceeded to get divorced a 2nd time. And should she want to, she’d be completely allowed the opportunity to marry another guy, and another, and another, and another, and have kids with any &/or all of them.

    And while I’m at it, here’s another prime example: Michael Jackson (RIP), and Lisa Marie Presley… The two got married for a supposed “publicity stunt” and did the whole kiss on stage at an awards show to get the attention of the public. The marriage ended shortly thereafter. There was no LOVE behind that, there was no intent on COMMITMENT when they said their vows…It was done for all the wrong reasons, and nobody denied it.

    It infuriates me to no end that simply because a person is straight, they are allowed under the law to marry whomever they want. And that in the cases such as those above, all the meaning and purpose of “marriage” is stripped away. Its turned into a fun thing to do on a Friday night. The divorce rate in this country has skyrocketed; those in Hollywood make no secret of the fact that they have been married 2, 3, 4, or even more times. Yet, the simple fact that two people are the same sex is enough for the government to put the “NO stamp” on their chance to be equal in this regard.

    You both make excellent, well-spoken points…and I agree completely. I think we all need to keep fighting for our voices to be heard, and demand marriage equality. Thanks for such a politically charged vlog…It got me fired up, fo’ sho’!!!

    love from Boston (where the gays actually CAN get married, thank God),

  6. January 20, 2010 at 6:28 am

    Thank you so much for speaking about gay marriage. Congratulations on your engagement! I’ve been advocating for gay marriage for years and it’s refreshing to see the two of you explore the topic. It is obvious you spoke from the bottom of your hearts and you’ve also obviously thought it through. Are you getting the support of some pre-marital coaching or counseling?

  7. 7 Emptyinbetween
    January 20, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    It definitely is important for all of us! The legal rights are the most relevant thing in my opinion because they directly affect your every day life BUT I’d not like it to be considered anything else or anything less than the traditional marriage, thus the separition of gay marriage and straight marriage should not be accepted.

    Perhaps it’s not possible to get the traditional marriage at this time but the legal rights that we lack as gay couples in a civil union make us 2nd class citizens and discriminated against. It’s not a religious battle, it’s a civil rights battle. It doesn’t affect only gay people, it affects our close ones (especially, the possible children of gay couples). We should make the legal rights matter the most when the people who are against us gays getting married defend the discrimination by the bible.

    The legal rights of the citizens should not be decided by any religion or any church or the bible. I would not like to choose between the legal rights and the traditional marriage but if anything, I want the same rights as anyone else!

  8. 8 WishICouldGiveMyName
    January 21, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    Thank you Lacey and Jessica for talking about this crucial issue. I think it is important that the word “marriage” remains independently of the sexual orientation of the couples who get married. You pointed out the main reasons: equality, but also and just as important, no more big deal about sexual orientation. The sooner we’ll get equal rights, the faster people will stop discriminating again LGTB.
    Another very important thing I wanted to mention is how do bi-national couples survive in the US without the same rights as straight couples? Some of them might be lucky but most of them are torn apart. I met my American partner almost 4 years ago in Europe. I have managed to move to the US to be with her so far. I have been working legally in the US and I have been paying my taxes just like any other American citizen. But, I’ve spent enormous amounts of money on lawyer and visas’ fees. My partner spent the last 10 years of her life studying to get her PhD in a few years and be a professor. Unfortunately, I just lost my job again. Maybe I could ask my partner to give up on her family, friends, carrier, country and move to Europe with me, start from scratch… But it doesn’t seem like a viable option.
    So this time, I have no other option but to leave the love of my life and the home we have built together for the last 4 years. And why? The answer is very simple: because apparently, in the US, same sex couples don’t have the same constitutional rights as straight couples. But why? Researches have proven that same sex couples are not that different than straight couples. It has been proven that we are just as capable of raising a family, having children than straight couples. It has been proven that sexual orientation isn’t something we decide, like a life style.
    I cannot believe that President Obama is perpetuating discrimination by saying that he is against same sex marriage. He is basically saying out loud that LGTB don’t have the same rights as straight people. Just like they were saying a few decades ago that interracial marriages were against the law because African Americans were inferior to White Americans. Slavery was abolished in 1865 but it took almost a century for African Americans to have the same rights as White Americans. Just like women used to be second class citizens because of their gender. Do you see any difference? I don’t.

    If you don’t already know about it, I strongly suggest that you take a look at the Prop 8 Trial Tracker:

    Please keep fighting for our rights!

  9. 9 Nancy
    January 29, 2010 at 6:42 am

    I will admit that in the past the topic of marriage was never a concern, because I thought love between two people goes beyond marriage.If they didn’t want gay people to have a ceremony and sign a piece of paper that was okay, because from looking at my family background and straight peoples reasons for getting married I thought I will do better. But what Jessica and Lacey pointed out about the rights given to gay people due to marriage has definitely made me take more notice and view gay marriage with more importance! It’s about having a relationship recognize under government and law, so there is fairness, proper action and treatment towards the one we love.

  10. 10 Canadian
    January 30, 2010 at 5:28 am

    It’s all about equality where everyone is guaranteed the same basic human rights as another!

    The Canadian government has made enormous progress in this area through Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms Section 15 to prohibit discrimination – “Every individual is equal before and under the law and has the right to the equal protection and equal benefit of the law without discrimination and, in particular, without discrimination based on race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, sex, age or mental or physical disability.”.

    I think equal rights is the ultimate goal for all people everywhere – and marriage is one piece of it. For this, I’m proud to be Canadian and bring us one step closer to global equality. We definitely have a long ways to go around the world, the USA even, who are our closest neighbours and share very similar economy, culture, etc..

    Interesting read on the history of Gay Marriage in Canada where it has been legal across Canada since 2005 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Canada).

  11. 11 Canadian
    January 30, 2010 at 5:43 am

    I was so hyped about the topic, I totally forgot to mention how terrific these vlogs are due to your candidness in covering the various topics and bringing things down to a personable level.

    Finally… CONGRATULATIONS on your upcoming marriage!!! Happy wishes to you both ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. 12 Lifepoet
    February 4, 2010 at 1:31 am

    Good ole US of A – always a little slow on the uptake. I definitely agree with everyone on this matter.

    It amazes me at what lengths governments will go to oppress a group of people based solely on their fears. This has been done throughout history to every group that was not the majority. They denied Native Americans from their land. They denied Africans & African Americans from being considered human beings. They denied women their right to vote and still deny them their right to equal pay. Now they are denying gays the right to simply attain the same rights that straight people don’t even have to think about. As Wanda Sykes so eloquently stated, “if you don’t believe in gay marriage, don’t marry a gay person.”

    Lacey, I totally agree with you on the subject of kids. Having to jump through all the legal hoops in order for your kid to be considered legally your child is just ridiculous. I recently saw the movie, “What Makes a Family” and, while it had a happy ending, it just further added fuel to my rage-against-the-machine fire. My mom used to always say, just because two people can make a baby, doesn’t mean they should be parents.

    On a lighter and more happy note, I wanted to congratulate you both on your upcoming wedding! Please tell me that you guys are going to put up wedding photos…

  13. 13 neanmo
    February 10, 2010 at 8:55 am

    Just saw Meghan McCain on The View and she said about gay marriage: “as long as there are people that are considered unequal in this country, I think thatโ€™s completely un-American”, very wise and soooooo true Ms. McCain!!
    Thank god that conservative political ideologies are not genetic!!

    Very,very kind regards from the freeeeeeeeeeeeeeezin and snowing germany

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