Finding YOUR One

As 2010 gets underway Lacey and Jessica tell the story of how they first met and what it means to find “the one”.

If you’re having trouble viewing this episode of LL on Facebook just click http://www.afterellen.com/blog/trishbendix/video-lacey-jessica-lesbian-love-episode-10

May 2010 be the year you find everything you’re looking for!

Lacey & Jessica


10 Responses to “Finding YOUR One”

  1. 1 Erin
    January 5, 2010 at 7:08 pm


    Brilliant episode. A suggestion for a future topics might be how to deal with long distance relationships and how to deal with cultural differences. My girlfriend and I go to the same school, but we are both graduating. She is from Europe, I am from the U.S. We are trying to figure out how we are going to stay together while staying true to our career goals. I plan on pursuing a doctorate in the US that will root me here for quite some time. She misses Europe and doesn’t want to commit to the US for the next 4 years while I finish school (understandably). What often comes up while discussing our future are disputes about cultural differences. She misses Europe, says people in the US work themselves into the ground without really living. It is a difficult situation. How do you make it work during such a turbulent and transitory time?

    I know shes worth it, we’ve been together long enough to realize that.


  2. 2 Esmeralda Ceja
    January 6, 2010 at 12:12 am

    Loved it! lol….

    I am working on being the one for myself right now! I must say…it feels a lot better than I thought it would, and it is not as hard as I thought it would be either…

    I think that the thought of having to go and do a self inventory is what really made this a lot more difficult to get my mind around…there is a quote that always comes to mind when I have things like this come up (where you freak out because you keep thinking of what it is that you will have to do..) “Pushing the wheelbarrow is easy, thinking about it is the hard part!” The physical action of doing something is not hard at all…you just do it! You go through the motions and you get it done…it is when we think about what it is that we have to do that is the hardest because we start thinking that it will be too much, that you are not ready, that you can not handle the consequences of the action…etc..

    The whole breaking up with my gf was the easiest thing I could have done, it is simple…just end it…the thoughts about it, about saying what I know I had to say, the repercussions (if any) that I would deal with, the aftermath, the pieces I will have to deal with, the reality of the relationship, all that stuff…THAT scared me, that made it harder for me to do it…

    After a relationship ends you kind of see a bigger picture of who you are, who you were, and where in that picture is the person you think you are or who you want to be and you realize that you might not be her, you might not be the girl that thing you are…so you do what you have to to be that person, the best possible version of yourself you that you cna put out this positive, radiant energy that attracts the right person for you when you are ready for it…

    I am working on being my one, being my girlfriend, I am doing for me what I would have wanted her to do for me…and I am a lot happier…

    So it is all good!

    Your story is great! I think it is interesting how the people that seem to be around for years (the ones that are just kind of there, not in anyway involved in your personal life…like you said that you saw each other for four years and you just had a pull toward each other but nothing really happened) are usually the ones that make the most impact…

    Happy New Years!

  3. 3 SHG
    January 6, 2010 at 3:52 am

    I love your vlog. You are the most beautiful. Each of you is beautiful, talented, and intelligent in different ways. Clearly, you complement each other quite well.

    If I can offer a bit of constructive feedback, I noticed that Lacey sometimes interrupts Jessica in the middle of her point. It may simply be that you two have different communication styles. Perhaps it would work to have a slightly more structured format. I do enjoy your banter with each other, though. I can definitely feel the love between the two of you.

  4. 4 Nancy
    January 6, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    Thanks for the quote, “Pushing the wheelbarrow is easy, thinking about it is the hard part!ā€
    This definitely clicked with me. Sometimes something as simple as whether tea or coffee is the same as thinking about what is going on in a country across the ocean, to what is happening in space. My mind is more busy than my body. Gotta work on that. I’m off topic.

  5. 5 dens13
    January 7, 2010 at 2:02 am

    Ohhhh my good God…You two CRACK ME UPPP!!!!! I had to watch this one twice, because I laughed so hard the first time around that I needed another go, just to pay attention! hahaha.

    Let me just say, the way your personalities and dispositions ebb and flow with one another is the most endearing thing…and its proof positive that finding “the one” is entirely possible…AND that it can still be fun/exciting/silly/amazing after a few years into the relationship.

    Jessica, I think you made a very poignant comment toward the end when you said something to the effect of “its making a consistent re-commitment to the person that you want her to be your one, and vice versa”. I think that is so important to remember. Its not enough to one day decide “Wow, she’s the one!” and then sort of take easy street and put the relationship into auto-pilot just because you think you’ve found Her. The relationships that work long term, and the people that you see laughing and having fun with each other even after being together 10, 20, 30+ years, those are the people that consciously put energy into making that person “the one” every day. Successful relationships take work, and maintaining “the one” is just as hard as finding her…if not harder! Thanks for reminding me about that point…I think its extremely crucial.

    Also, Lacey…thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me spit water out of my mouth when you did the whole “you get WAAASTED! WAAAASTED and you sit on her lap” reenactment. I laughed SO hard a) because it was effn hilarious…and b) I have seen that happen before…making your reenactment even funnier!! šŸ˜€ Your humour KILLS ME, woman. I love it!!!

    You two rock…please keep up the amazing vlogs…I find them to be a pleasant combination of therapeutic and comical. The perfect pairing! Hope you’re both enjoying the start to the most Amazing year yet!!!!

    love from Boston

  6. 6 Anon
    January 7, 2010 at 2:29 am

    Thanks so much for this post! So cute and inspiring to know that there is actually love out there and how you found it. Seems that time and timing is key. You two are so cute and Im so thankful I found your vlogs. Will tell my friends about them as well. Im somewhat agressive, so I dont know if my personality could handle something like timing and patience, i know. Anyhow, your love is special and cute and I wait for the day that I have that love back in my life…speaking of love…

    I broke up with my ex of 10 years…or I should say she cheated on me with a dude about 5 months ago when I decided to take a long distance job. I was heartbroken, depressed and not able to function. 2 weeks after her and I broke up, she broke up with him and has tried to contact me various times during these past five months via text, voicemails and mutual friends. I have ignored, but now am finally ready to move on with my life and put her behind me in search of the next great thing.

    I finally reached out to her and we plan on meeting in the next couple of weeks, but I am worried. Any suggestions on what to say? act? speak? do? I am nervous. Of course I my prayer is that she has changed and begs for me back, but I’m not holding my breath because even if she did, I dont know if I would be ready for that. Anyhow, I am unprepared and not confident going into this. Do you have any experience that you can relay? Any help would be greatly appreciated.


  7. 7 Zuley
    January 9, 2010 at 12:01 am

    Hey Jessica i hope you read this.
    i was watching tv and i saw you in a video clip of a singer so i was wondering if it was really you?

  8. 8 Jessica Clark
    January 9, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Hi Anon,

    Wow, that’s some major life changes that you’ve gone through in the last year. I commend you for working through the trauma of your break up and getting to a place where you feel whole again. I’m going to call you out though, because you say both that you are “finally ready to move on with my life and put her behind me in search of the next great thing” and that you reached out to her just recently and that your “prayer is that she has changed and begs for me back”. It’s totally normal and understandable to be confused about what it is that you would want from this, I can’t imagine how you could be anything but confused right now, especially after a 10 year relationship. I’ll be honest, if I was in your position with Lacey now I would be completely befuddled and confused. After 10 years I can’t even imagine.

    That’s what I want to say to you. That you don’t have to have the answer. You don’t have to know exactly what you want from her, or if it can be made right, or if you even want to get back together some day. What you do owe yourself is to come face-to-face with this woman that you have shared so much of your life with, that you obviously still care for (and she for you) and just talk. Just be. See how you feel when you see her. See how you feel the next day, the next week. Healing, whether it results in you getting back together or choosing to move on, is going to take time. You probably aren’t going to know straight away and that’s ok. Trust in yourself, in your strength that you have shown that you have over the last 5 months. Trust your heart and also listen to your head. It will become clear in time. You are a powerful woman and when the time is right I am certain that you will know what it is that you want to do.

    GOOD LUCK. I’ll be thinking of you.

  9. 9 jessica clark
    January 9, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    Hi Everybody! Happy 2010!!

    Thank you all so much for your comments as always!

    Erin, we have had a number of people bring up the difficulties in a cross-cultural relationship, and specifically what you describe about European culture versus American. We are going to address it in a future vlog (look for that one early Feb) but I will say now that I definitely identify with what you and your girlfriend are going through. I am English and I live in America. I am in love with and about to marry an American woman. This of course does not give my any immigration status, that I must continue to apply and be processed via the other systems. That is one thing that makes it very emotionally difficult for me, the fact that my whole world is in the USA essentially and I pay my taxes here but I am still a legal foreigner. Then the cultural differences. Like your girlfriend I find some aspects of American culture very different and not what I understand or particularly like. It has taken me years to adjust and still sometimes when I am tired I get very homesick. HOWEVER: I not only love my girlfriend very much, but I have also worked to find other foreign people in the states who laugh at the same things that make me giggle, who like the same food and movies and approach to life. It’s not the same thing as being in my own country but it definitely helps. And I wouldn’t want to be in Europe without Lacey, so that at this point in our life together is my solution.

    I can’t tell you what is right for the two of you, and I wish you all the luck if figuring it out. I do believe that virtually nothing is completely unsolvable if staying together is paramount to you both.

    Good luck to you!

    Zuley: You don’t mention what music video you think you saw me in but if it was Usher’s “BURN” Then it was me šŸ™‚ http://www.youtube.com/user/jessicaclarklife#p/a/f/1/j7y_6JHUDR0

    I’ve been in a few others (Lenny Kravitz and SoulII Soul but they were ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ kind of things!

    And Michelle from Boston: YOU ROCK!! Consistently awesome, interesting, constructive responses, thank you so much! šŸ™‚

    And to everybody else… thank you for watching, commenting and contributing to the debate. We appreciate it beyond!!


  10. 10 femme
    January 21, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Jessica, where did you get that shirt? I want it!

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