05
Nov
09

Are we ready to move in together?

Moving in is a Tricking Topic for budding new relationships. In this episode Jessica and Lacey talk about the crucial steps that go into that all encompassing decision…  Are we ready to move in together?

There is a strong gay theme in this episode, however many universal truths are uncovered as well… Enjoy! 🙂

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13 Responses to “Are we ready to move in together?”


  1. 1 Rebecca
    November 5, 2009 at 10:50 pm

    Lol @ secret junk food, I guess those living healthy need a break sometimes. Love your new vlog especially Lacy’s comedic, fun attitude. Jess thanks for your common sense.

    I would say if you live together and fight your bound to make up sooner than living apart. It is hard to ignore one another for that long.

  2. November 6, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    Rebbeeccccaaa!!!! 🙂 We missed you 🙂 Thank you for you note. Hope to hear more from you Xx

  3. 3 Esmeralda
    November 6, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    Keep it fresh, keep it clean!

    My girlfriend and I were discussing moving in together…but she got deployed to Iraq…again….so we had to put this on hold…

    Anyhow, like Lacey, I have never really lived with anyone else aside from my parentals…and as much as I love her I had, and have some serious anxiety issues…yes I want to live together…..but it is a bit scary, it is a huge step…and I want to take it….we have been together for a 1 1/2 years so its not like we met last week lol…..

    I think a lot of the issue is that I am so used to being alone, and having it just me in my space, that it feels like someone is going to be intruding….does that make sense?? It sounds like I don’t want to make the move huh?? LOL…I do, I love her, I want to move in….it is just a bit overwhelming!

    And what is up with the book!!!!!????

    I am excited you two are back!

    = )

  4. November 7, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    Hey Esmeralda!

    How are yyyooouuuuu??? She’s back in Iraq? wow, that is such an intense thing to deal with. I remember you writing about that last year.

    In terms of moving in together… I think it’s a bit of a commitment thing. I had MAJOR problems ending my lease and living with Jessica fully. I was soooo afraid because I was burned in the past… Anndd I weirdly kept repeating to myself, Jessica is not your past Lacey – She is your future… Don’t repeat the same mistakes… Yowza 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Annnnndd I felt like moving in with her was a loss of control in the relationship and the “Balance of Power.” Not a smart way to think… Power… :/

    However, I thought about what I wanted in my future. I want to have a family, a wife, a house, a child, grandchildren… The first step to those dreams coming true is right now. What do I need to do right now to make that future possible. It’s being able to healthfully live in a relationship with a woman… A strong enough relationship that one day we will get married. Sooo I chose to grow-up and learn about who I am as a person… End that lease and move in with Ms Clark.

    NOOWWWW, the other key thing I learned is that REAL love does not involve the dynamic of power. It’s about giving yourself to someone fully and honestly… It’s about loving someone because you love them not because you want or need to feel love back.

    I’ve learned sooo much from my move in with Jessica… I’ve learned real love is about letting go of a the tight vice grip of everything has to perfect. Because everything can’t always be perfect… All you can do is be true to your soul everyday and be the best person you can be to the one you love. If you do that you don’t need to worry about a thing.

    And God forbid things don’t workout… You know you were true to you and the person you love. True love is letting them go. Because “It is better to have loved and lost… Then never to have loved all.”

    Let me know what you think gurrrllll!!! 🙂 I liked writing this it made me remember how far I’ve come, thank you 🙂

    Love,
    Lacey

    PS The book… I am writing a chapter right now… This warmed my brain up, thank you Xx

  5. 5 Esmeralda
    November 7, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    Yup yup! She was activated again a few months ago and was at Camp Lejeune when we were discussing moving in when she was done with the training there (she was supposed to be stationed in San Diego and there is a house that was purchased for the both of us to move into together)…then she was deployed…needless to say I did not move into the house..

    I never really thought of it as a loss of control…and to a certain extent I do feel that way…thanks for that clarity!!

    I think the main fuel behind my hesitation is that we have had some problems come up in the relationship that have left me questioning whether or not she is someone I can rely on…the whole “actions speak louder than words” and her actions haven’t exactly been too loud…I guess it comes down to whether or not I trust her to be there for me…

    There have been times when I have needed her and she has not been there…due to distance, family emergencies, etc. but it kind of seemed like there was always something in the way of us…and the fact that we have had so many issues with that make me question whether or not I can trust her to be there…

    …or maybe her being deployed gives me nothing but time to nit pick the relationship…

    I just read the last sentence and I noticed that the whole nit picking, finding something wrong so I can say that it won’t work is something I did a lot in the past…

    Arrgghhh….

    Alright then….I guess I am going to have to figure thisout…lol…thanks for the insight!

  6. 6 dens13
    November 8, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    The whole “It is better to have loved and lost… Then never to have loved all.” of Lacey’s post, and the “nitpicking” that Esmeralda spoke of both resonate with me as well.
    a) the quote is one that i try, try, try to live by…however, if i’m honest, it hasn’t always been easy to believe that. when in the throes of a breakup, amidst feelings of sadness, loss, and not understanding what life has thrown my way, it has been VERY difficult to believe that it had been better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all. However, with time and mental clarity, I have been able to realize that this statement is SOOO true!!! Not only because there were undoubtedly some great times, laughs, happy memories that I truly did enjoy, and still cherish….but moreso because of what I have learned about myself and what I want in life & in a relationship.. all of which I only was able to realize AFTER the breakup. So if I had never loved at all, I would still not know these things about myself, and would be less sure of what I will and will not put up with in a relationship. It has been an extremely tough and sometimes heartwrenching life lesson, but one that I’d NEVER trade for anything in the world.
    and
    2) the “nitpicking” is something I did in the early stages of our break-up, and I honestly dont think its all bad. I probably did it for my own personal emotional justification…I mean, there’s definitely a difference between true “nitpicking” and realizing what things constitute a “deal breaker” for you in a relationship. I think we all do a bit of both. But, truly, if something about a relationship keeps coming back and you keep getting stuck on it- nitpicking, if you will- then it might deserve a more in-depth look…understanding why it upsets you can sometimes bring a lot of clarity about a relationship in its whole. And if it does end up being a “deal breaker”, and the relationship ends….well, then I guess it goes back to the quote… “It is better to have loved and lost… Then never to have loved all.”

    Esmeralda- I hope I did not put a negative spin on your current issue…I was definitely reflecting a LOT on my own situation and thinking out loud. Hang in there while your lady is on deployment..I cant imagine being in your shoes…Its a testament to your strength and faith in the relationship. So, rock on.

    🙂
    love from Boston

    Michelle

  7. 7 Esmeralda
    November 9, 2009 at 7:29 am

    No worries Michelle! I understand completely…the whole nitpicking thing for me is a lame attempt for a defense mechanism…if I end things before they progress more than they already have then I can control how much I get or do not get hurt….

    The thing is I am madly in love with this woman, she is the only person that I have ever been so open and honest with that it scares me…and I do love her, I want to marry her, I want to have a family with her…she is the only person who has made me feel like I am capable of all those things and she is the woman I want to have all this with…I am just scared…

    We have discussed the issues we have and have agreed that when she does come back from Iraq we are going to deal with the issues and seek couples therapy to make sure that we are able to cope with this and fix the things we need to fix and to be able to adjust and adapt from where our relationship was, where it is going, and how to deal with any issues that might have come up for my girlfriend due to the deployment…I love her and I want to make sure that this is something that both of us want and both of us can handle the best we can…
    …and thanks for the support!

    Lots of love from SoCal…it is freaking cold out here!

    = )

  8. 8 Emptyinbetween
    November 10, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    Hey!

    I’ve really enjoyed your vlog and this week’s episode was in deed very useful as we are planning moving in together as well. Hopefully we can use the tips you shared in the near future 😉 hah

    An off topic question: I loved the orange top you wore, Lacey – might be a good one for b-ball trainings, can you drop some names pretty please?

  9. November 10, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    Hey Emptyinbetween!

    What kind of a username is that? 🙂 ARe you ok woman?

    Looking forward to sharing with you in the future!

    I got the top at a sporting goods store in New York called Paragon, but I’m sure they sell it all over the place. The Brand is Underaroumour – http://www.underarmour.com/shop/us/en/search/results/pid1000113-Men-s-Team-Hoops-Reversible-Jersey/1000113-609 I like to get them BIG and loose, how they use to be when I played basketball in college 🙂 Hope this helps.

    Anndd thank you for telling me you liked the top… My agent/friend wrote me an email yesterday telling me I need to change what I wear on the VLOG. I don’t agree 🙂 He said “Is that what you wear when you’re at home with Jessica or when you go out dinner???” And I was like… “uummmmm actually yes it is :)” oohh boy!

    What do you think? Do you think it’s weird Jessica dresses up… Which she always does she’s a model and very fem 🙂 And I always wear workout clothes because I’m athletic and a fitness professional? I really like my look it’s who I am…

    Hope you enjoy the new gear! 🙂

  10. 10 Emptyinbetween
    November 10, 2009 at 5:59 pm

    Hah don’t mind the nickname, it’s probably better if I don’t share the meaning behind it 😀

    Oh yeaaa, big & loose all the way for tops like these! And if you are playing basketball, it’s a must 😉 And about the clothing, I personally find the fact that you sport the gear you do, very positive! It’s what sets you apart – like you said, it’s who you are. Maybe I’m a bit biased because I am like you in this sense, my gf is more feminine and wears high heels to all the social events and so on and me on the other hand lean towards the sportier & definitely more relaxed outgoing clothing type. And nothing wrong with being sporty, now is there? And I know for a fact that if there’s an event where dressing up is appropriate, that’s exactly what I and I bet you as well will do.

    I’ll definitely look my eyes open for this brand you mentioned, and hopefully, these tops or preferably something similar come across my way in the shops down here. I would embarrass myself by telling y’all what I had on during practice today hah I really need a good hook up but there aren’t many stores in the area selling sport clothing for my taste!

    And please, girl, don’t let them change your clothes for the vlog! I am loving the fact that the whole vibe from the vlog is pretty casual and up close personal since it def looks like you guys are relaxed and in your own element. And that goes for both of you!

  11. 11 Phie
    November 29, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    Hi Jessica & Lacey!

    Greetings from southeast asia! 😀 i just finished scanning and reading your entire blog! (i mean from beggining to end!) hehehe i enjoyed it.. and i can really relate.. there are lots of things i want to ask you guys like advice etc,, btw. about the u-haul thing.. it’s totally true… i was talking to my girlfriend a while ago about moving in together and planning things like having x number of rooms and stuff like that… and it felt like what jessica said how quicky intimate we girls tend to be.. but it has that nice and cozy feeling to it.. and also i’ll agree about keeping some mystery,… that’s good… keeping things spiced up! ehehe

    i enjoyed reading/watching and i hope i could talk to you guys.. i mean i could email you for advice.,, i have a lot to ask guidance for… 😀

    keep posting and good luck!

  12. 12 LIVIA HOROVITZ
    July 9, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    I AM LOOKING FOR NICE LACEY SHOES FOR MY VERY BAD FOOT I HAD LOTS OPERATIONS VHEN I WAS E CHILD
    WHO SELLING THOSE SHOES USUELLI GERMEN BUT ICANT SEE ON THE COMPUTE BEFORE I BROUTH BEAUTIFUL SHOES MANY PLACES NOT ANYMORE PLEASE HELP ME

  13. July 11, 2013 at 2:25 am

    Woah this kind of site is amazing i like reading your content. Sustain the great do the job! You no doubt know, many people want circular due to this details, you’ll be able to make them enormously.


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