01
Feb
09

The FIGHT.

i2527msorry

Love & Respect…

Jessica and I got into a full-blown FIGHT today.  Yes, Jessica and Lacey, the couple that has it all together got into a full blown yelling match. I mean… We like to call them “heated debates” but for all intents and purposes it was a fight  🙂

 I’m a little embarrassed to be sharing the details of ‘The Battle at Chelsea’ BUT if there’s something you can gain from our unfortunate squabble it’s all worth it to us at SWEATCity!  BRING IT 🙂

What’s a fight anyway?  I think a fight can be a mix of these 3 relationship FireBALLS!

  1. CLASH of egos
  2. Searching for the balance of power
  3. Finding the way to speak the unspoken truth of what you’re feeling

 For Jessica and I today it was a CLASH of EGOS!  I’m big into horoscope signs… You know Cancer, Aquarius, Scorpio…?  I think it gives you a benchmark to understanding your partner at their most raw state.  I know what my negative tendencies are and I do everything in my power to curb them.  Let me explain…

Jessica is a Taurus, according to her horoscope she’s as stubborn as they come.  There’s no budging Jessica when she’s made up her mind… No sirrreeee. Being Stubborn is part of what a Taurus is all about.  Jessica is conscious of this personality flaw and takes it into account in all her interactions.  On a very real level she’s also English, very reserved…  She does not like yelling and she rarely if ever raises her tone.  I think she’s yelled at me 3 times over the course of our entire relationship. 

I, LACEY, am an Aries 🙂  According to my horoscope I have an explosive temper and I always like to have things my way…  This is also a reality I’m very conscious of in all the decisions I make and the interactions I have.  I am not reserved. I like it loud. In fact, I enjoy a good screaming match on occasion 🙂

 Can you see how these two personality types might get a little messy? 🙂

Sooo here’s the situation.  For the past five days The Clark-Stone Household has been SICK.  I had a stomach Virus from Wednesday to Fridayish and Jessica inherited it from me late Friday into Today.  Those are the facts… I was feeling a little fragile and so was she.  Not the greatest ground to start on.

I woke-up on this lovely Sunday morning “kinda” ready to teach My Two HOUR Extravaganza workout.  Kinda ready because I hadn’t worked out since last Wednesday.  I really wanted Jessica to be there because I was feeling fragile and a little out of sorts. You can see my perspective, right?  🙂

As I was getting ready I could feel a little uneasiness in the apartment… I knew what was coming.  Jessica in her lovely English accent said – “Would you be upset if I didn’t come to class this morning?”

OH PEOPLE… Lord forgive me for I have sinned!  The Aries came out….  It wasn’t so much that I was mad at her.  It was that I was mad that I had painted this lovely picture of her helping me get through the next two hours and frankly in that moment I didn’t know how I was going to get through it.  It was a mix of my temper, my ego, EVERYTHING… I don’t even know what I said?

OUT of No where… ‘The Battle of Chelsea’ had begun! 

Before I knew it the reserved English Rose began yelling at me in frequencies I could barely understand… Dogs on the streets were howling.  Jessica’s tone shocked me back into reality…  Frankly I was a little scared.  OMG.  For the woman that never raises her voice… This was… this was… WOW.

In that moment of her yelling I became very upset.  Not upset that she was yelling at me, I was upset at the entire scenario.  Upset at my childishness, at my stupid loss of temper, at my stubbornness…  

You know what makes relationships work?  How you stay together?  Of course it’s about love, but another big part of the puzzle is respect.  In that moment when Jessica raised her voice and did something so out of character for her… I was silenced.  I had hurt her, I know her.  She was doing something that she hates to do… Just so I could hear her.  I wasn’t listening.  It wasn’t about me and my class… It was about her being sick.  She physically couldn’t do both classes.  If I hadn’t been such a jerk… she said she would’ve come to the second hour but now it was an impossibility.  She didn’t need to say it because I knew. 

I let my pain, DUMB ego, and Aries bullheadedness get in the way. Fighting can be good because if you love someone you can learn soo much about yourself.  You just need to back track and look in the mirror.  After a deep breath and a look back, this fight was very one sided… It was very much about my BS and I take full responsibility.  I could point fingers and say stupid stuff about Jessica… but the fact is that I love her and I don’t want to see her yelling.  She is not a yeller, as much as I enjoy a good verbal altercation… Jessica does not and I RESPECT that. 

When I came back from that 2 hour workout there were only three words I could think of to say to her…  The words might not be strong enough… But the memories of today will stay with me forever.  I will do my best to listen to her and respect her in the future.

I’m sorry Jessica.

 

 

 

 

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11 Responses to “The FIGHT.”


  1. February 1, 2009 at 11:00 pm

    Well Lacey I know ALL about Taurus signs. Katie my last girlfriend whom I thought I was going to be with forever was one and so is my mom. Yay Jessica! HA-HA, but yes the sign is stubborn & I’m a cancer so I know about being overly emotional or just feeling a certain way. It was a problem I was facing too often with Katie. Our egos, pride, I think power ruined things, and it ended up not being fixable. :/

    “If you love someone you can learn so much about yourself.” I love this passage in the blog… It’s so true, but I’ve witnessed a relationship stop — just because a participant didn’t want to take in any of the lessons or admit, “hey I was wrong.” There was an excuse for everything so I really respect a person being able to say, “hey I’m sorry.” It takes a ton of strength to see yourself — weaknesses & strengths, through a situation with someone else. Bravo and I love you both! ❤

  2. 2 Rebecca
    February 2, 2009 at 2:48 am

    MEOW!

    I’m not that into signs but a good old fashion catfight is very healthy once in awhile. (Not to mention make up sex lol) Forget egos or stubbornness as long as you have the senses to say these 3 little words “I am sorry” & truly mean it your good to go. These outbursts are hurtful at times but it is also part of growing as a couple.

    “To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.”

    Aw this picture could make the icy lake melt!!!

  3. 3 kate
    February 2, 2009 at 3:59 am

    “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” (1970)

  4. 4 Stephanie
    February 2, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    On the contrary, I think love makes saying sorry even more important. With someone you don’t care for, you can piss them off and disregard their feelings with less consequence because they are not a prominent element in your life (not that I’m saying this is right either because when you’ve been a jackass, you should just own up to it and apologize). But with someone you love, telling them you’re sorry means that you respect the relationship and their feelings enough to think about what you’ve done wrong and put yourself in a position of vulnerability to admit your fault.

  5. 5 Anna Kay
    February 3, 2009 at 6:05 am

    well, thank you for sharing real, human interactions. I am happy there is more truth out there. what do we need to hide anyway. We have nothing to loose being open, makes us more real, more human. Good 4u

  6. February 3, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    Hey GUYS!

    Thank YOU for all your comments… I like the different perspectives 🙂

    Basically Anna, I think it all comes down to honesty in life… That’s what I’m all about. If you’ve got something to hide you’re coming from a place of shame. You’re just lying to yourself when it comes down to it. Once you can articulate where you’re coming from there is always an answer. The hard part is that the answer is not always pretty… As with The FIGHT. The truth was I was a bit of an ass 🙂

    It would’ve been so easy for me to carry that with me for days and not apologize because I didn’t want to look “dumb.” But holding onto BS for days seems a little stupider to me, don’t you think?

    Bottom LINE – Some how this world got to a place where it’s easier to say IT’S OVER rather than I’m sorry… I don’t know how this happened but it makes me very sad.

    We are all imperfect… We all just want to love and be loved. It’s as simple as that. Saying I’m sorry has a double meaning… It doesn’t mean you’re weak it means I love you and I will do whatever it takes to make this work.

  7. 7 kate
    February 3, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    I was really quoting a VERY famous line from the 1970 movie “Love Story”….. I believe in saying “I am sorry”….if you REALLY are. It can be a very “freeing” experience…… yes , I have said it once or twice 😉

  8. February 3, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    🙂 Thank you for the clarification Kate… I know the movie well x

  9. 9 vanessa
    February 3, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    Ok, so I’m chiming in a little late on this one. Not cause I didn’t have anything to say…more that – as usual dammit! – it really made me think, and of course, feel. I know this scenario well: the feeling of complete fragility,yet at the same time, having the desire to trust someone you love to help take care of you. I also entirely relate to Jessica and admire her strength to stand up for her needs even though she knew it may be upsetting – and trusting that you wouldn’t abandon her for expressing herself. That IS love, undoubtedly.

    Ok, so now I am reminded of a quote…some say from Plato and some say from Bob Dylan (to me, they could be one in the same at times 🙂 – but, anyway, the quote is: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a tremendous battle.”

    I guess on some days…it’s just more obvious than others…

  10. 10 tennewpence
    February 4, 2009 at 1:36 am

    Sorry.

    At times this word is very powerful and other times its useless.

    I say this because often my Ex and I had little mis-understandings but when it happens so much the word “Sorry” isn’t enough, is it? Its about making that compromise to try to make the change in ourselves to make things work.

    How many times can we say Sorry to each other until we give up on each other? I just wonder.

    I am unsure if i make sense.. but like Vannessa this blog entry really made me think… in a way i feel more confused…

  11. February 4, 2009 at 3:38 am

    Sorry to me only means something if it’s followed by a genuine intention and a commitment to actively change your behavior OR at least compromise on it. Just “Sorry” doesn’t mean anything… Not to me anyway. In fact I’d rather not hear anything…

    I hear you Tennewpence and Vanessa. Everyone has their struggles…. Forgiveness is important however if someone is not respecting you or is using the words “I’m sorry” as a short term solution to a permanent problem you need to recognize the pattern and stand up for yourself.

    It’s Just like the Madonna song ‘Sorry’ 🙂 It’s a GREAT song you should download it on itunes!

    “I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna know… please don’t say your sorry… I’ve heard it all before and I can take care of myself.
    I don’t wanna hear, please don’t say forgive me, I’ve seen it all before and I can’t take it anymore… You’re not half the man you think you are… Save your words because you’ve gone to far… And listen to your lies and all your stories… You’re not the half man you’d like to be.

    Don’t explain yourself cause talk is cheap. There’s more important things than hearing you speak. Mistake… because I made it so convenient. Don’t explain yourself you’ll never see…”

    YOU gotta stand up for yourself and if someone says they’re sorry but don’t understand what they are sorry for you… It’s not enough. Just saying I’m Sorry is NEVER enough. Sorry for what?


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