07
Dec
08

Battling Your DEMONS

721927950603_0_bg

We all have DEMONS; you know what I’m talking about, right? 🙂

Demons come in all shapes and sizes.  The BIG 4  –  JEALOUSY–ABANDONMENT–SHAME–  RAGE– represent a lot of drama in life.  These Demons are emotions/feelings that make us uncomfortable,  they cause us to continually runaway from ourselves.  In fact, some people spend a lifetime running away from the monsters of  their minds.

The Demons are based in FEAR.  Fear of something that occurred in the past, fear of something we refuse to let go of in the present.  We REFUSE with such vigor that we allow the event of the past to control our future, our right now.  Parents, EXs, Bosses – stay with us forever, effecting our every decision and pushing us in directions we don’t necessarily want to go.  We, allow people that are no longer in our lives, the ghosts of the past, guide our future.  Why do we give them the power…  Is it Fear of the unknown? 

For many people dealing with their Inner Demon is far worse than living a life controlled by it.  I like to feel like “I know what the outcome is going to be.” I’ve had a conversation like this with my inner monster before… Let me know if this sounds familiar to you?

“I know she’s going to cheat on me because she’s acting the same way Sara did right before she left…  I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to be faithful?  I think I’m going to end this before it gets ugly.”

Sometimes running away from the demons seems safer than meeting them head on – JEALOUSY–ABANDONMENT–SHAME–RAGE – are buried so deep we don’t even realize we’re running away from them.  A ‘RUNNER’ is our natural defense mechanism for not having to deal with The BIG 4…  But there’s a catch.

 It happens a lot in relationships – The relationship is AMAZING, it’s like walkin on cloud 9, it’s Magical, aaannnddd then reality kicks in…  Problems start to come – Bills, Moving in, Marriage, Babies –  This is the exact point where there’s the choice of facing the Demons OR Running Away?  In this day and age I find that Running away is very trendy.  When we run we never have to put in the work…   We can cover it up by saying… “I fell out of Love.”  I personally feel like the “Falling out of Love Story” is not so much about falling out of love but the point where someone in the relationship HIT their Demon.  They hit their Demon and chose to move on/runaway rather than deal with it.

It’s fine to be a RUNNER, hell I’ve been a Runner, but here’s the problem – The Catch.  When we meet the next “Great” person, when we move to the next “Great” city, when we get the next “Great” job the pattern happens all over again.  There it is smack in our FACES, our Demon.  If we choose not to deal with our monsters they will never go away.  Soooo the running away has little to do with the boyfriend, girlfriend, city, or job AAANNNDDDDDD almost everything to do with our Demons. 

I’ve been cheated on… ABANDONMENT in a relationship is my number one Demon. When times got tough with Jessica in the beginning of our relationship, I would freak out.  The chatter in my head was LOUD, I wanted to runway because I was soooo afraid of what she was going to do.  One day I realized I was a Runner – I had an epiphany.  I realized that all the relationships I had in past seven years fizzled because I was never in them 100%.  I didn’t want to get close to people because I didn’t want to face my Demon.  If I didn’t deal with my Abandonment Issue and continually chose to runaway I could never get hurt.   BUT the catch was that I was hurting all the time.  The ghosts of my past were ruling my present, ruling my now.  I was ssoooo afraid to feel… I thought I was protecting myself from the pain… I thought I was being smart  not getting close to friends or lovers.  I wasn’t being smart. I was “playing it safe,” I wasn’t even living.

Thankfully Jessica, my angel, my knight in shining armor, came mysteriously into my life.  She knocked me back to Reality.  She made me want to feel again.  She made me want to take the risk of losing myself, the risk of being broken hearted-or-living happily ever after.  Before Jessica my heart was frozen, put on a shelf, out of service… Her presence in my life made me want to make big Changes.  I knew if I truly wanted to make our relationship LAST I had to slay the DEMONS, I had to fight to be in control of myself, and my heart. I had to fight to get back to square one, back to a place where I could love again.

The Demons never go away… They’ll always be there.  For Years they will be yelling at us, chattering away in our inner most thoughts, ruling our every decision… and they can rule our entire life if we let them.  Battle your Demons… quite the chatter to a whisper.  You can take back the power in your life if you face The Demon that you run from.

What do you run from?  What scares  you?

Advertisements

8 Responses to “Battling Your DEMONS”


  1. December 8, 2008 at 1:48 am

    HAHA, Love the picture caption btw. This is beautiful and so true. Yes, we all have demons and I think most everyone has been a runner once or twice in a situation if not more then that. I normally define myself as an emotionally, in-tune, person with others and myself. I find that emotions such as fear lead to rage, anger, jealousy. Jealousy is a huge one from my past and I’ve learned over time how to handle it in my mind. I have to brush it off, relate it to something positive like, “she’s only hanging out with a friend, like I did last week. Was I doing anything? No, so why should I think she is?” Luckily that method refrains me from being an overly jealous, accusing girl friend.

    It is always better to “find the root” of the problem I always say.

    Thank you for this post.

  2. December 8, 2008 at 10:40 am

    Hi Girlz.
    This is a blog of mine posted on http://curvemag.ning.com on November 3, 2008.

    And that’s what I’m running from.

    Wonderful Blog.

    Kisses from a Sister’s Heart.

    The Swan^^ – ITALY

    —-

    “Seduction and Dispair, and True Love”

    The Lost Art of Seduction is not so lost.
    The web is full of beautiful women trying seducing us.
    But are they also beautiful inside enough?

    Do you remember The Dangerous Liaisons (Choderlos De Laclos, 1782)?

    The Marchioness of Merteuil is not dead.

    I define this new temptress, enchantress, femme fatale, siren, Delilah (sic!): a Serial one.

    She won’t let you free till she pull out your heart, having it for dinner…

    And these are the questions now:

    How often have you met a woman like this?
    How often have you looked without seeing? Blinded by love?
    And how can we defend ourselves from a false love?

    ————————————————-

    “Farewell false love, the oracle of lies,
    A mortal foe and enemy to rest,
    An envious boy, from whom all cares arise,
    A bastard vile, a beast with rage possessed,
    A way of error, a temple full of treason,
    In all effects contrary unto reason.

    A poisoned serpent covered all with flowers,
    Mother of sighs, and murderer of repose,
    A sea of sorrows whence are drawn such showers
    As moisture lend to every grief that grows;
    A school of guile, a net of deep deceit,
    A gilded hook that holds a poisoned bait.

    A fortress foiled, which reason did defend,
    A siren song, a fever of the mind,
    A maze wherein affection finds no end,
    A raging cloud that runs before the wind,
    A substance like the shadow of the sun,
    A goal of grief for which the wisest run.

    A quenchless fire, a nurse of trembling fear,
    A path that leads to peril and mishap,
    A true retreat of sorrow and despair,
    An idle boy that sleeps in pleasure’s lap,
    A deep mistrust of that which certain seems,
    A hope of that which reason doubtful deems.

    Sith* then thy trains my younger years betrayed,[since]
    And for my faith ingratitude I find;
    And sith repentance hath my wrongs bewrayed*,[revealed]
    Whose course was ever contrary to kind*:[nature]
    False love, desire, and beauty frail, adieu.
    Dead is the root whence all these fancies grew. ”

    [A Farewell to False Love – Sir Walter Raleigh]

  3. 3 Diana T
    December 8, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    Great post! And yes I do have fears, but knowing what they and that they are there will defintely keep me looking ahead! Thanks for the post and your inspiring blog. I will and have been sharing this blog with friends- some of whom want to get into a gym routine but I keep telling them that’s it’s about way more than gym sweating in the city.

    Keep the posts coming!

  4. 4 Anonymous
    December 8, 2008 at 8:40 pm

    I guess I’m a runner… Thank you Lacey!

  5. December 8, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    Thank you ALL for your insightful comments AND thank you for taking the time to let what I wrote sink in… It’s heavy stuff.

    Taking a look at my Demons Totally CHANGED my life for the better… I trust the process of facing the pain and coming out on the other end stronger.

    Everything gets better in time. You just have to give it a chance to heal.

    xx

  6. 6 Angelica
    December 9, 2008 at 1:45 pm

    damn that was awesome! 🙂

    i think the big one for me is trust…i trust to easily 🙂 and after being hurt or used, i still continue to trust others. and try to learn from every experience, because how else are you supposed to grow & mature 😉

  7. 7 lenabenabear
    August 24, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    This post resonates so close to my heart. To all the women out there who refuse to acknowledge all the hurt, pain and misery that is constantly after them, you have to stand up against it and fight it. Otherwise, you will end up like me, alone and miserable. You see, I had the woman of my dreams. By no means were we perfect, but we were perfect for each other. And because I let all my negative stuff interfere and destroy her spirit and our happiness, she left me. And now I regret it so much. She won’t take me back because I hurt her too deeply. She won’t even consider giving me another chance. Ladies, we need to address what hurts us, otherwise, you will be like me, crying alone with your demons in the dark with no one to love and value you. Don’t be a fool

  8. 8 Nancy
    February 15, 2010 at 3:06 am

    A post that made me think about my demons..which I don’t like to do or know how to do. I’m a very good Runner. Actually this post has revealed to me what it is that I have been feeling and put a face and name to it. FEAR has been in my life in many forms through out my life but I never knew what to do but just cope with it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Categories