22
Oct
08

What do you really want in your life?

Have you ever thought about what you really want out of your life?  I mean really want? I find that so many of us have never really thought about it beyond the remnants of our childhood fantasies of astronaut, ballerina, or professional athlete.  When asked, a lot of us will mumble something about wanting to make more money, or losing some weight.  I’ve been just as guilty of this as anyone else; and if I’m honest about why that was…..and I always try to be honest on SweatCity! 🙂 a lot of that seeming indecisiveness stemmed from embarrassment. 

On some level I was unwilling to say out loud what it was that I really wanted because I was afraid that other people would laugh, or roll their eyes or think that I was ‘big-headed’ because I wanted something more from my life than I already had.  I want to figure out a way to use everything that I have learnt over the last 5 years of my life, of my journey towards a more healthful and happy self to help other people and build a company around that philosophy. There. I said it 🙂  And guess what?  Now it’s actually starting to happen!

So why was I embarrassed (and even typing that was still a teeny bit tough for me!)?  Because part of my brain still had that little voice inside saying “Who are you to want that?  Who are you to think that you can help anybody else?  You are not good enough.”  And I find that there are so many other people who have placed similar limitations on themselves, often without even realizing it.  We don’t dare say out loud that we want to set up our own business or get a promotion in the career that we’re so good at and dedicated too; we keep the fact that we’d love to fall in love to ourselves; we don’t tell our friends that secretly we’d love to run a triathlon or take a spin class incase they laugh at us and tell us that we hate exercise and will never be able to do it, and why not come over and eat chips in front of the TV instead!

We’re so used to “being modest”, to keeping these things to ourselves that we never really think about the impact of never saying what it is we really want.  There’s been a lot of research on this over the last few years (if you check back in to SweatCity this Friday I’m going to post a couple of books about this that I’ve found really inspiring), and what is revealed time and time again is that if a dream is kept inside our heads then the probability is that it will only EVER live inside our heads.  BUT; if we get into the habit of saying it out loud, to ourselves and to other people, and even more powerful WRITING IT DOWN, then these seemingly tiny acts already greatly increase the likelihood of us bringing that dream into our reality and actually living it.

It seems silly I know but it works!  I’ve only come to this realization in the last few years but Lacey has been instinctively practicing it her whole life. The first time I was invited back to her family home (big moment 🙂 ) I saw in her childhood bedroom a big long, fantastical list of ‘Things I want to do in my life”. I loved seeing it then because it showed me that she really tries to live her life authentically and to be true to herself, but even more amazing was that just last month she was home getting a little mom and dad time and she told me later that she read through that big long list of dreams and realized that she had already experienced or created most of them! 

It was really hard the first time I tried to say my dreams to another real-life person, I was so tongue-tied that I couldn’t even say it (and I’m a chatterbox usually 🙂 ).  But I practiced by writing my life goals and dreams down in private and saying them out loud to myself (oh ok, and to my dog 🙂 ).  It helped, it really did.  So I’d love for us to start practicing here at SweatCity!  You are totally anonymous but at the same time, a lot of other hardworking, inspiring people are going to be reading your goals on this blog.  That’s a lot of positive energy being put out there around what it is you truly want in life.

One more thing; the evidence shows that just thinking of needing to make more money or lose weight are not the most constructive goals; if one of those is your first thought just take a minute and think WHY you want to have more money; what would you do with that money?  THAT’S your goal, not the money but the action you would take if you had it. Same with the weight: WHY do you want to lose it?  What would you be doing if you lost the weight? THAT’S the goal 🙂

Want to take a risk and tell us what you really truly want?  Go on, I dare you! 🙂

 

 

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15 Responses to “What do you really want in your life?”


  1. 1 Dreamer
    October 22, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    Wow Jessica thank YOU for sharing your dreams… That takes soo much courage.

    Just doing this makes me nervous 😦 uummm I almost want to write it down first before I go public…

    BUT I am going to give it a shot!

    In 2009 I want to get married, and finish a book I have been working on for awhile. Should I write more???

    This was the perfect blog for me today, thank YOU! I am going to start telling people right away. 2009 is it!

    YOU two ROCK!

  2. October 22, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    I know that sounds a bit superficial but what I really want in life is to become a pilot… the sky is my element and I try to work really hard for this dream: school (english,math, physics), taking care of my body, working out alot…
    a bit weird but right know that’s all I want…

    I want to become a pilot and WILL become one!!!

    thanks for the blog. Excellent like always 🙂

  3. October 22, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    Wow! Jessica I like this one 🙂 🙂 🙂 I do stuff like this all the time for myself… I have dream boards all over the apartment. But that’s for me to see and now Jessica sees it… Aaanndd my old roommate Cathy 🙂 xx

    Sooo I’ve never really shared with other people… I mean, you guys know what I look like sooooo it can’t be anonymous… BUT here it goes. eyieyeieyieyeieyieyei

    These are my Top 5 DREAM Goals for 2009

    1. To become engaged to Jessica 🙂 hint, hint
    Everyone listen to the new Beyonce song 🙂

    2. The reality show Jessica and I have been working on for the past year will get picked up by a major network, HBO/Showtime/Bravo… And we will begin filming in March ’09 – BRING IT!

    3. I will finish my book proposal and get an outstanding Literary agent. New York Times Best Seller Baby!

    4. I will make over $100,000.00

    5. Continue to increase my knowledge, travel as much as possible, and find a way to look at the bright side of everything… Laughter Heals man 🙂

    I want to know your Top 5 DREAM Goals… SHARE… They can be outrageous… in fact the more OUTRAGEOUS the better. My mom use to always say REACH for the MOON Lacey and you’ll land on a star.

    If I were a magic genie what would you ask me for? But you can get 5 wishes.

  4. 4 coffeebuzz
    October 22, 2008 at 7:11 pm

    in no particular order

    1) to become a more centered and happier individual, who cares less about the calories she ingested and/or burned, and more about how she feels before/after a meal or workout

    2) To find a job that makes me happy and helps me work towards me career-oriented dreams

    3) To get closer with the people in my family from whom i’ve strayed and weakened relationships

    4) to focus more on my mental, emotional, and physical health

    5) to be happy in my place in life- be it in a relationship, single, living NYC, or San Fran, living along or with a roommate. Just to be content and at peace again.

    they’re very abstract goals, which makes them a little bit more difficult to work towards. How does one become a more content, peaceful, happier person, who cares about her health…? It’s much easier to say. But writing it down, putting it out there, becoming aware of the things you want and don’t want is at least some step towards accomplishing these goals of mine.

  5. 5 Stephania
    October 22, 2008 at 9:28 pm

    How is it that you talk about each of the great subject matters I wished you would talk about?? This one is great.
    These are the goals I wish to acheive anytime soon 🙂
    – ACCEPT MYSELF THE WAY I AM. it doesn’t mean I cannot change or improve anything, of course not. It’s more about stopping being so hard on myself and so judgmental about myself.
    – (really) Get over depression.
    I’m pretty young but I was ‘hit’ by it for numerous reasons and I’m dealing with it, with low self-esteem (and so on and so forth)
    – Adopt a (real, regular, nice) workout/taking-care-of-my body/sport habit. I’ve started jogging (just jogging) a thousand times but being regular, not yet.
    – Be bold and go for it; I mean, in your life you always have two choices no matter what: whether you’re going to be passive and let everything ‘fall’ on you or whether you’re going to be active, provoke the good changes, modify what’s not working, etc. Work hard against my ~lazy/incredulous~ nature and start being positive (all the time, that is, if it’s possible)
    – Find a job that reaaally makes me feel gooooood.
    – Find my goal/mission on earth, find what’s my job to help others ((- HEY YOU GUYS, LACEY AND JESSICA, YOU CAN’T STOP SEARCHING YOU’VE ACTUALLY FOUND IT :))

    — ok I feel kind of naked right now, even if it’s anonymous… you, my fellow commentators and I are brave. Aren’t we? 😉 —

  6. October 23, 2008 at 4:02 am

    Your pearls of wisdom is truly amazing. This blog has truly had an impact on me. I think with such talent your goals seem more of a reality then a far away dream. Kudos to you for your courage!

    I have reached many goals thought impossible to reach. You gotta really want it and ignore those who don’t have faith in you and judge you. I build my own Jewelry company from scratch, from my home office night and day with so little sleep, I gave up fun, social meetings with my friends last year to reach my goals, It was murder cause I am very social. I did it! Today we are very successful working out of 47’th street in Manhattan, I’m also launching my new web site in 2 weeks.
    I’m done trying to be that everyone wants me to be. Trying to be something that I am not is so wrong. Life is to short to push off much desired goals. We as humans need to work on ourselves daily. We always want something, money is our number one focus, it makes life easier but it can’t buy happiness it only turns us into spoiled, rich bitches competing with friends, neighbors etc. wanting more and more until all the materialistic things have no meaning in life.

    “Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.”

  7. 7 ariela
    October 23, 2008 at 4:03 am

    This is kind of sad to admit: When I was in the (surprisingly long) process of breaking up with my most-recent (serious) bf, the biggest reason we gave each other for splitting up was so that HE could focus on HIS goals… After all, he was just out of college and figuring out life, and I wanted him to be happy. (Sidenote: I, too, was just out of college, but for some reason this didn’t put me into quarterlife crisis mode)

    So what about my aspirations? He asked me once during one of our breakup convos, “What about you? What are YOUR goals?” And I didn’t have an answer. That sounds crazy, I know… But even thinking back, with hindsight at 20/20, I can’t think of a single thing that I wanted for myself besides being with him. (And we thought HE was the codependent one!)

    Its taken me two years, and I’m still trying to figure out what’s on my list. I have the obvious: Lose 5-10lbs, go to the gym more, take better care of myself…. I’m slowly adding things: Move to San Francisco sometime next year; Develop a business plan for producing great graphic design at a boutique level; Learn Spanish…

    I’m not sure if these things are the tickets to ultimate fulfillment. I have found that RIGHT NOW I’m most happy when I’m living in the moment, appreciating the things around me that are ALREADY good. Walking across town while listening to NPR, having a good spin class (*wink wink*) enjoying a good dinner…

    Perhaps my biggest goal is to appreciate myself and my life in this moment, even as I move forward to the next.

  8. 8 ariela
    October 23, 2008 at 4:08 am

    PS — I would totally watch your reality show. Brilliant.

  9. 9 erin
    October 23, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    My problem is motivation…but here are my goals.

    I want to graduate college with honors. Which is probably the most important, and the only one I’d would say I am focused on.

    I want to be physically fit and healthy. Which means I want to walk up my stairs with out being slightly winded. I want to be able to play with my cousins whenever they want.

    I want to be happy. Mostly in my decision of a career and relationships.

    These are pretty general put I think thats because I am still figuring things out.

  10. 10 Eneb
    October 23, 2008 at 7:12 pm

    My list.
    1. I want to finish a propsoal I started writing 6 months ago for an Non-Profit organization I want to start for the elderly community. And get it funded

    2. In 2009, I will learn how to read my girlfriend’s mind. I feel that will help me better in our relationship than any of the MANY suggestions shes has made.

    3. Load every cd I own onto my ipod, then sell sell the cds on ebay. They’re taking up toooo much space.

    4. Start going to the doctor regularly.

    5. Convince my girlfriend to accept and join my nudist colony:)

    6. Start a nudist colony.

    7. Paying more attention to my home decor . I feel like I havent made it my place of refuge yet. Its still got a very college feel to it, and just no longer fit me and my interest. I need to make it a more restful relaxing place. I got rid of my Halle Berry hmmmm… poster so thats a start (and by got rid of it I mean its now in the basment as opposed to my office. I wish I knew how to quit her.

    8. Buy stock in Lacey and Jessica new companies.

  11. October 23, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    I love what you’ve all written. Thank YOU for sharing your inner most hopes and dreams… To Dreamer, Kimi, Coffeebuzz, Stephania, Rebecca, Eneb, Ariela, and Erin. YOU Rock and you can do it. YOU all wrote down very attainable goals.

    Here’s something I learned about reaching goals that I never thought possible – Don’t worry about how you’re going to get there… YOU never know who will cross your path in your life… In fact don’t worry at all. Find a way every day to build strength in your dream… Just take the next right step and it will happen. Don’t worry about how you’re going to get there because you’ll never be able to figure that out.

    Remember that movie field of dreams… If you’ve never seen it, go rent it. Remember the saying? “If you build it he will come…” YOu don’t need to ask who, what, when… Just build it and he will come. Trust the Journey.

    Jessica and I are off to LA today! YAY! xoxoxo Keep dreamin!

  12. October 23, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    Hahahahah! Eneb… I like number #8… YOU are a smart cookie 🙂 x

  13. 13 JACKIE
    November 3, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    I’M 63, IS IT TOO LATE ?????????????

  14. 14 jessica clark
    November 5, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    It is NEVER TOO LATE Jackie 🙂

    One of the wisest responses I ever heard to this question was this:

    “But it’s going to take me X amount of years to achieve that and by then I’ll be 47 (or 64, or 89!)”

    Answer “In X amount of years you’ll be 47 no matter what you do. So you can choose to be a 47 year old lawyer (or student, or business woman or belly dancer, or explorer!), and be stimulated happy and fulfilled, OR you can be 47 in five years time and still be dreaming about what could have been.”

    It’s never too late Jackie. Your time is now. Our lives are what happen when we’re busy making other plans. GO FOR IT!!!!

  15. 15 Ambrosi
    July 23, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    Things I want to achieve in life:

    1. I fear oblivion. I know that everyone is unique and so on, but even so I have to accept that will be forgotten by the world and in time memories of me will perish, and I just have to put my ego aside and accept that.

    2. Become happy (everyone writes this down, I know 🙂

    3. Have a long and great relationship with a smart and beautiful girl (I’m a girl too)

    4. Finish the story I’m writing now

    This is more of a dream.

    5. Meeting you Jessica 🙂

    I yesterday saw “A perfect ending” and now reading this blog, you just seem such a interesting and intelligent person I would like to spend a couple of hours with. I considered writing you a fanmail, but the chances of you not only reading but also replying to it are…zero? I’m a teenage girl, just figuring myself out and it would be great to talk to someone about it all, shame that there’s fame and an ocean in between us 🙂


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