19
Oct
08

It’s that “TIME of THE MONTH”

Sorry BOYS somebody’s got to talk about “IT.”  And who ya gonna call when the tough gets tougher??? Me that’s who 🙂

Ok… Here’s the situation.  Every month Ladies, EVERY SINGLE FREAKING MONTH, it happens.  The “situation” happens so regularly we often forget … We like to blame ourselves, blame others, blame the mirror, blame genetics, blame or get annoyed with anyone in sight!!! Women we are just trying to come to grips with WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! BLLLAAHHHHH….

Every month something happens to us, we can’t avoid it but we can come to terms with it.  It’s the PERIOD FACTOR.  It’s very powerful and nnneeevvveeeerrrr to be underestimated.

Here’s my story and tell me if you can relate?  I am going to tell you what I feel, what’s reality, and what I see happen to a lot of other lovely ladies during the dreaded HUNT for RED October  🙂

THE CRAZY:  I look pretty much exactly the same as I do every other day of the week, however I DO NOT feel the same…. I Lacey Stone feel like a HOUSE, like I’ve gained 20lbs, in no uncertain terms I feel like a fatty.  When I look in the mirror I see a distorted picture of myself…  I see a giant nasty yucky version of me.  It’s not real but it sure seems REAL.  During “THAT TIME” the sentence “ I’m FAT as a COW” is something I’d like to work on getting out of my vocabulary.  I say it with a smile but I’m not joking…  Life is not fun during the reds, nope, not fun at all.

CUCKOO CONTINUED:  I lose my sense of reality and I go straight to Freak OUT MODE.  I’ve forgotten to rationalize and say “Lacey remember it’s that time of the month again it happens every month… YOU feel like crap, your knees/elbows/lower back kill, you crave red meat, the littlest things annoy you, and you want to eat ice cream/pizza/chocolate, remember?!” Instead I consistently go into CUCKOO mode and I’m like “What’s wrong with me?”  Nothing’s wrong L Stone you just have your freaking Period.  It’s as simple as that!  Talk to me sisters… Do you feel me?? AHHHH!!!!!  I just want to scream sometimes…

WHAT I NEED TO REMEMBER AND WHAT I SEE HAPPEN TO CLIENTS

The fact is I do put on about 5-7lbs of water weight every time I get my period.  BUT for some weird reason (hormones) I forget almost every month that it has to do with the lady thing.  I need to remember to put that crap on the calendar ssooooooo when I start to go into WOE IS ME mode, I look at the calendar and realize ohhhh it’s the period thing again… I’m not off my rocker, SWEET!  Yes I put on some poundage but I’m not really a house and once the nasty 3-4 day HELL is over I will be back and better than ever, HOTTNESS 🙂

LADIES IN MANIC MODE:  When we forget that The Period is a coming…  We think it’s our job to blame, or our GF, or BF, or HUSBAND, or Wife, or whatever.  It’s like a little mid-life crisis every month, right?  It’s nothing more than The FREAKIN Period, sooo Hoolllddd ON!  🙂

BAD PATTERN:  Women think they gain weight during the month when it’s really just the water weight. Sooo instead of dialing it back they go into Screw It Mode and get wasted on the weekend or say The Hell With It and eat all the French Fries.  Sadly, post period the water weight leaves but then due to the Screw It Mode some poundage did get packed on. If the nasty pattern continues and you add a pound every month that’s 12lbs per year… And that’s a major mystery solved for a lot of women.  Where did this extra 20lbs come from??? It came on very slowly, it snuck up on you every month…. TAKE CONTROL WOMEN!  Don’t let the Monthly Madness control your waistline.

MY ADVICE – Sllloowww and steady.  Make it through The Period Week with EASE.  If you crave red meat – GET IT.  If you want a chocolate bar eat it.  Don’t over indulge but do indulge yourself with something you enjoy during Hell Week.  Find a way to be good to you and your body.  YOU are losing some iron so you’re going to be a little weak.  Do easier workouts for your body… Swimming, Biking, Elliptical.  Get some rest…  I know I can feel like a real bitch during The CRAZY sooo before I explode at anything I take a lot of DEEP BREATHS… Strangely it helps.  Know your PATTERN so you can be in control of yourself and your actions.

SISTERS, I love you.  We all gotta go through this, we’re Tough Cookies – We gotta be.  If you have any Monthly Solutions give me a shout out.  If you can relate to the Madness let me know, If you have any CRAZY stories about your monthly insanity share away.  I know for many of you this is a hidden trauma.  I know when I’m feelin The Crazy no one on the outside would ever know other than Jessica.  I love how women share this common bound of courage… It ain’t easy ladies.

JUST KNOW… YOU are not crazy, all women go through it, it happens… Here’s my two cents, someone needs to make a women President cause ladies we can handle anything, can I get an AMEN, Hallelujah?!!! 🙂

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10 Responses to “It’s that “TIME of THE MONTH””


  1. October 19, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    AMEN!

    Can you imagine a lesbian couple Pms’ing at the same time? I guarantee you WWIII 🙂 I turn into the scariest bitch/witch. The hunger attacks start a week early, I want to strangle anything in sight. I cry for no apparent reason & I’m am not really the crying type. At least my husband is calm in the midst of huge hormonal monthly “situation” cause he knows it is just the she devil in me passing by 🙂

    Thanks for the smart tips as always!

    Not sure if I should mention this but you might find this interesting. When Jewish (married) women PMS they cannot have sexual relations with their husband for those 5 days plus 7 clean days. You can’t even touch, it is so insanely hard with all that sexual tension between a couple but it pays off cause when it is allowed the marriage feels renewed all over again each month. One of those reasons why many Jewish housewives are closeted dykes.

  2. 2 erin
    October 20, 2008 at 12:51 am

    Depo Provera. thats my solution, there is no messiness, no cramps, best of all no tampons! or maybe the best thing is the lowered risk of babies.

  3. 3 Laura
    October 20, 2008 at 4:15 pm

    Thank you, Lacey! Seriously, whenever I see you all upbeat and full of energy at the gym I cannot imagine you suffering from the dreaded PMS. I don’t have a lot of suggestions, except for a good pair of “fat pants” that I can wear at work during that time of the month and maybe a glass of wine with dinner to help me sleep better. Surprisingly enough I find that exercise helps me deal with the symptoms a lot better, especially when followed by a good 20 minutes in the steam room. The problem is, working out if the last thing my aching, tired body wants to do during that time; I just have to remind myself that there hasn’t been a single time when I’ve regretted it.

  4. October 20, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    Oh MY GOD Rebecca… I laughed out loud when I read the last sentence of your post… Is that true? I use to teach at an Orthodox Jewish Center and I did feel very “Welcomed,” HA! 🙂

    Erin… try being a gay… we don’t ever need birth control! hehhe 🙂 I have a couple of friends that use Depo… I heard it’s like a miracle 🙂 Jessica was telling me that being on birth control can shorten your period and lessen the severity of your symptoms… Which I found to be very interesting because I’ve always been gay and never thought of it as something for me. hhhhmmmm YOU staighties got it all figured out 🙂

    Oooohhh Yes… The baggy pants one of my favs…. 🙂 I forgot to mention BREAK OUTS… WOMEN what the hheeelllll?! That’s always fun when you have a special event coming up right around “That TIME”… thank GOD for foundation 🙂

    Wine… is gooood BUT I always find that during my P I’m a little depressed so adding the depressant of alcohol never helps my cause. BUT I can see how it would work with the sleepin 🙂

    Ok Ladies thank YOU for your insight! and smiles xx

  5. October 20, 2008 at 11:09 pm

    I LOVE this blog b/c when I am suffering through those few days I feel VERY ALONE and I lose all my self esteem. I start to feel that I am the ONLY person who has it this bad and everyone else just breezes through their cycles while I am angry, crying and wondering why anyone is my friend because I am such a miserable bitch. I start to get really down on myself and feel that I am perhaps the most boring, unfunny person around. I start to feel that I suck at my job and I am inadequate at relationships and that I don’t love enough. I go into total JUDGEMENT MODE! SERIOUSLY-this is what I feel even though I KNOW it isn’t true. I KNOW it’s just my hormones and oncoming cycle, I tell myself that…. which usually just makes me cry some more because I think I am nuts. Another added goody is that I get night sweats and my hair hurts!!!!! Yup, such fun times.

    SO: Little picture: this is what I try to do: Get enough sleep is so key. Spend one meal eating WHATEVER I want. Taking a hot bubble bath. Buying 20 dollars worth of crappy magazines. Getting a foot rub or massage. Walking. Most important I do not push myself at all. I stay in at night and pamper. I call girl friends for a little ego boost when I am in the thick of crying. I rent some of my favorite movies. Simple stuff helps.

    BIgger Picture: We live in a society where men and women are on the GO…working hard, out in the world, loving, living, dreaming, striving! However women are on cycles…men are not. We don’t live in a society that respects what an ENORMOUS change occurs each month in our bodies. Damn that’s a BIG change. So HONOR it. REPSECT it. Don’t fight it so much. Our bodies are working on over drive those days. So maybe… Maybe… TAKE THE DAY OFF!!!!!!!

    Then it comes…it goes…and I love myself again until the next time!

  6. October 20, 2008 at 11:11 pm

    PS- Sensational picture!

  7. October 21, 2008 at 8:05 pm

    I remember hearing from a guy once in a movie: “I don’t trust anything that bleeds that I can’t kill.” Ha-ha…

  8. October 22, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    Thanks JESSE!!! 🙂 I thought it was a pretty good shot of what it feels like… OYI!!! 🙂 I hear everything you said sistah!! 🙂 I love you girl and I hope to see you for a bit in LA this week xx

    Rachel!!! YOU are back, YAY! wwwworking to support OBAMA is AWESOME lady, lets get him in the WHITE HOUSE! LOVE it…

    what movie is that??? I know that line 🙂

  9. 9 ariela
    October 23, 2008 at 3:35 am

    best picture ever.

  10. 10 reanna
    November 2, 2008 at 9:11 pm

    I am in a situation ware my husbands sister has 5 kids and she swears up and down that she has no symptoms of PMS what so ever. Automatically I’m thrown in to the evil crazy bitch basket and since we all live on the same property as the rest of the family I get 0 privacy during this time.
    my husband is also a victim during this time. My husband is one to victimize himself and demand an apology then he runs to his big sister and talks about how big of a bitch I am at this point im sitting some ware thinking of how I cant stand feeling this way and I would rather be freaking dead. If I just had a man who wouldn’t take it so personal and just let me go through what I’m gong throgh and not make me feel so awful for being me I could get by a little better. I don’t know what to do hes so angry with me my only options seem to be divorce or suicide at this point but of course in a week I wont be feeling this way at all. In fact I couldn’t even understand how I got to this point in the first place.


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