03
Sep
08

Compatible?

 

 

Ever noticed how your nutrition and fitness just wants to go out the window as soon as there’s a bump in the road at home, or at work?   For me my emotional default setting, that I consciously have to reset: is to ‘eat my feelings’, stuff down the food and forget about whatever I’m angry or hurt, or stressed out about.  That’s what I always did….. because then I could think about purging, or about how ‘fat’ I was: anything but the actual issue. 

I’ve learnt over the years to recognize that my cravings for sugary baked goods have almost nothing to do with being hungry, and everything to do with…. well, everything else.  It’s become the big red flag in my brain that I’m not dealing with something that’s bothering me.

So I haven’t had to work so hard to avoid the FOUR bakeries and patisseries that are within walking distance from me for quite some time.  😉  And I couldn’t really figure it out.  Ok, initially we were having some major miscommunications, and disagreements.  But then we were talking it out, and discussing, and analyzing EVERYTHING.  We swung in the other direction almost, but still, neither of us were feeling that great about things.

And then we figured out that we were focusing on the negative, that we were nitpicking and pulling apart all our incompatibilities and making each other crazy.  Yes we’re moving in together and that’s scary, that’s us saying “This is my person, I’m IN this”, that’s giving up some privacy, that sense of security (however misleading) that if it all goes to hell in a handbag we can walk away unscathed.  That’s realizing that all our little idiosyncrasies that we thought were so cute when we first started dating; like the fact that everyday she leaves her empty energy bar wrapper on the counter instead of putting it in the trash; Or the way I rearrange things that she puts down for a second, because its not the way I like them to be.  They’re things we’re going to have to learn to live with or go crazy.

But in talking out all our frustrations and miscommunications we hadn’t really thought about how COMPATIBLE we really truly are in a long time.  We hadn’t consciously thought about all those things that had contributed to us falling in love and wanting to be together forever, and yes, to move in together.  We had just got used to the fact that we’re both early to bed, early to rise girls, we’re both ambitious in our careers, we LOVE to workout, we like the same quirky, beautiful restaurants that serve healthy world foods.  We’re both obsessed with 1940’s black and white movies, and we’d rather curl up on a Friday night with our child (Patron…a 10lbs Pomeranian) and watch one than go out until 3am.  When we do go out we like to dance and sing and be silly, not ‘cool’.

We’re stubborn, strong-willed and fiercely independent.  Neither of us wants to give ground. We both have had our hearts hurt in very different ways and we’re both so determined not to ‘lose ourselves’ in another person that we find being in a long-term relationship very hard, almost impossible.  But we love each other.  So here’s what we’ve decided.  That there’s no one we’d rather find it impossible to be with and build a life with than each other.  There’s no person we’d rather drive and be driven crazy by than each other.  Sometimes we’re just going to have to accept that we just don’t agree at all.  And then let it go.  The rest of the time, let’s appreciate all the wonderful, silly, fun, sexy things that unite us and not take them for granted. 

It’s a deal.

I’m just grateful I’ve stopped craving triple layer chocolate fudge cake with ice cream!! 🙂

What do you think about compatibility?  Or food cravings?  🙂

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10 Responses to “Compatible?”


  1. September 3, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    I think I better start throwing away that energy bar wrapper, WHOOPS!!! I love to love ya woman 🙂

  2. 2 ariela
    September 3, 2008 at 10:15 pm

    Haha! I love that you’re a little anal. The energy bar wrapper would kill me, too.

    Man, you really do have to focus on why you are happy, why you love each other, why you’re committed to the relationship, and how the relationship brings out the best in you. A few posts ago you talked about how partners need to be devoted to making things work, and how you can’t really predict whether or not you’ll be committed… You’ll just naturally find that you either ARE, or you AREN’T. You put yourself out there, and you see if the other person responds. It’s a beautiful thing when they do, and it sounds like that’s the case with your relationship. How fantastic! 😛

    Seriously, I have been through similar trials with someone I loved; Our lives advanced, things built up, and as the relationship hit its precipice, I found ample opportunities for self-sabotage and passive aggressiveness. In the end, my boyfriend and I broke up. Not just broke up, but really went in separate directions, miscommunicated what we wanted from each other, grew increasingly frustrated and hurt and angry. And then it wasn’t just over, it was awful.

    Love can go either way, and if my heartbreak was any indication of how HORRIBLE one direction is, I hope you find the exact opposite (and it sounds like you have). The pendulum swings both ways, and if YOU are committed, and SHE is committed… It can’t get any better than that.

    Revel in it! Always remember the good.

  3. 3 Esmeralda
    September 4, 2008 at 8:40 am

    Um, wow….lol…I just read your (Jessica’s) interview on afterelle.com and went to your myspace and found your blog and I have to say I love it! i love that you are so real about who your are and your life…I just came out to my parenst and I am going through acrazy stressful transition and the eating part…yeah…lol…I am so excited I found your guys blog…

  4. 4 Andrea
    September 4, 2008 at 5:35 pm

    Yeah, finding your article on AE.com was a score. I’m a cynic trying to see what I can do with positivity and how it takes shape…kudos for putting the time in and thanks for letting us in on the process.

  5. 5 jessica clark
    September 4, 2008 at 6:56 pm

    Thank you all so much, and I have to tell you that both Lacey and I are so happy that you find what we are doing interesting and maybe helpful. It makes the whole experience even more rewarding! We hope you come back… and please let us know if there’s anything you’d like to know/read about. We really want this blog to be as interactive as possible 🙂

  6. 6 Lea
    September 5, 2008 at 2:09 am

    Great blog! I too found your blog via ae.com article. Keep up the good work.

  7. 7 clea
    September 6, 2008 at 3:07 am

    Hi guys,

    you look like a great couple and remind me of me & my girlfriend in many ways…She was also the person of my life, we are also quite different yet so in love..even after 8 years, things (gun communication, sex and everything) get even better..like an aging wine..

    so accept the obstacles and work on them as you already have done…it is so easy to throw away things saying they dont work…

    keep writing:)
    i found the blog through AE. interview as well..

  8. 8 Danielle Sonnenberg
    October 1, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    love this blog! rock on!

  9. 9 Gemma
    January 10, 2009 at 2:15 am

    great blog

  10. September 10, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.


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