28
Aug
08

Heeeyyyyy!!! Is it worth the risk?

Here at SweatCity we’re all about challenging ourselves to be the best that we can be.  We’re all about personal growth, about ‘stretch’, about striving to evolve.  We try to apply this to every area of our lives, to our bodies; how fit and strong they are, how lean and defined or muscular, how they feel from the inside out.  We try to apply it to our careers, to our personal lives, to our friendships.

So why does nobody ever mention that it’s actually those times of stretch and growth that are often the most difficult to deal with in a relationship?  I hear how hard it is for people who are trying to implement positive, healthful changes in the food choices they make, or increasing the regularity of their gym visits, when their friends or partner just isn’t supportive.  It’s a common theme that we rarely take into account. 

Writing this blog is an interesting experience because sometimes for me it’s a case of opening up about my learning process while I’m still learning and growing into it myself.  Lacey and I have been disagreeing a lot recently. Not about anything really, and I can understand if that sounds strange.  But we’ve both been working incredibly hard at evolving as women, as professionals, as individuals. 

These are all wonderful things to focus on, and I honestly believe that they’re at the core of any healthy relationship.  But perhaps because we’d got to a greater level of intimacy and commitment in the relationship we hadn’t necessarily been communicating these changes, this individual growth that we’d both been experiencing as people.   I assumed she knew.  She had her own ideas about what was happening.  When it appeared that the two different stories didn’t mesh, instead of trying to explain where I was coming from in the first place, I would either get hurt, or angry.

Where was the anger coming from?  I think somewhere deep inside I was retreating to a place that said “She should KNOW how you feel.  And if she doesn’t, it’s because she doesn’t care enough to find out.”  Which is all very well and good if I want to be a passive aggressive five year old for the rest of my life; but not so much if I want to continue to grow as a woman and nurture my relationship at the same time.

The truth is that whatever positive changes are happening in our lives, whatever amazing steps we’re taking to be more and more the person we know we’re capable of, we have to communicate this to our friends and loved ones if we really want them to know, understand and be supportive of us.  Whether it’s losing weight, or trying to get a promotion, or working on becoming more assertive in our personal lives, if we keep it to ourselves, if we don’t share how excited we are to be evolving, how proud, how scared….

If they don’t know that we’re doing it to feel better/sexier in ourselves…. which then in turn means we feel better/sexier in the relationship, or to get the kind of job we (and they) can be really proud of us for, if we’re trying to speak up so they can know and love the real us, then they may be thinking our motive are something entirely different.  That we’re working out to attract a hotter mate than them, or cooler friends, that we need a promotion because we think they don’t make enough money, that we’re speaking up more, or more assertively than they’re used to because we’re fed up with them, that we don’t care anymore.  Everybody has their own insecurities and fears.  I know I do….  That the person I am, the person I want to be won’t be liked, won’t be wanted.

It’s a risk, opening yourself up, it’s scary that maybe they’ll laugh when we tell them why we really want to work harder, eat healthier food, or drink less alcohol.  And yes I guess that’s possible.  But I truly believe that most people in our lives want to be there, and want to know us for who we really are.  We are cheating ourselves and them if we deny them the opportunity to really know who we are and who we dream of being.

So I’ve been committing myself to taking that risk, and this blog is a part of that.

Is there a risk that you’ve wanted to take recently?  Did you do it? Will you take it?

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4 Responses to “Heeeyyyyy!!! Is it worth the risk?”


  1. August 28, 2008 at 4:44 am

    Quite trying to be perfect for once damn it. Looks like you are trying to push limits.You gotta follow your heart and do what feels right yet always give her the benefit of the doubt.

    Some people close up and don’t share boo. Others yell with anger till they turn blue in the face. As for me I turn into a madwoman.All I do is bitch then I calm down and feel AMAZING.Sometimes I tell him/her let me speak my mind but don’t say anything just listen, it works wonders!
    It is called communication baby. Poor Lacey how the heck should she have superpowers and read your mind?

    As for trying to look good for someone else you just both gotta have trust in each other cause a relationship cannot work without it. Stop stressing and enjoy the moment…Live in the moment.
    OK whom am I kidding you are drop dead fucking gorgeous (this pic is killing me) and I have only seen you on a computer screen. I can imagine those who cross your path lose their breath. Well it is always nice to get compliments and I personally know other models who do it for the compliments.

    Nobody laughs at dreams. Dreams keeps you going & sane. Why in the world do you care if anyone will laugh? Who made them G-d?

    This comes to mind>>
    “Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”
    Just write down on a paper the pros and cons and see which one overweighs the other….Risks can be scary when you feel you can’t go on if you don’t take that next risky step you will just drive yourself to an early grave…Nah not that serious lol maybe regret it later.

    As for me I am tormenting myself every moment of every day If I should drop everything I have worked so hard in life for and take the risk of leaving the world I grew up in to the one I crave (gay). Well, I didn’t as of today cause I felt damn selfish!

    Not everything has to go our way. We are born with guilt, curiosity, regret, shame, and all that good stuff.

    XOXO
    R

  2. 2 Anonymous
    August 28, 2008 at 3:58 pm

    It’s so strange, today I just had a small fight with my Dad because I apparently don’t give the right answers or I “half-ass” my answers to his questions. A lot of times, I kept thinking to myself “Why doesn’t he realize that he ____? Why doesn’t he know that I _____?!” And reading your entry reminded me.. well crap, he doesn’t know because I don’t tell him. Yet all this time *I* was treating him like the bad guy, so in turn he treated me the way I treated him.

    It’s scary to open up to people you’re not used to talking with.. but you know what? I think I’ll try it anyway, because no matter how rough it is at first, once communication is open and honest, it can really only get better.

    Thank you for reminding me of this. ❤

  3. 3 Esmeralda
    September 6, 2008 at 10:43 pm

    All I can say is wow! I found this blog a few days ago after reading your(Jessica’s)interview on afterellen.com and I have been going through all your postings and I wish I would have found them sooner. My girlfriend and I are going through a pivotal moment in our personal lives and in our relationship and I was very frustrated with my personal situation, but never really opened up to her or told her about how I was feeling or why I was feeling that way because a)I didn’t even want to deal with it and b)I figured she is going through enough and she does not need my crap on top of all her things….and that caused friction between us…

    I have issues opening up to people around me…being vulnerable is the hardest thing for me to do, as I am sure it is for everyone else, and she is the only person that I felt I could be vulnerable around and know that she would never intentionally hurt me…but by me not telling her what was going on with me hurt me and hurt her and hurt the relationship…when I finally did tell her what was going on I kind of blew up on her and that was a horrible thing to do, especially knowing that if I would have just talked to her the situation could have been avoided…

    We talked about it and about why I was not communication with her and for the first time in a while just talked about us, about how we were doing as individuals in our personal lives and then how that bled into our relationship and how it affected us and how it does affect us…we cleared up a lot of misunderstandings do to our lack of communication …

    Since that day the tension has gone away, and we both know that it is imperative to discuss what we are feeling and the things we are doing and how we feel about them because we won’t know unless we tell each other what is going on and it is common sense, but we all get consumed in what we are doing and expect our girlfriend or boyfriend to just KNOW as is they were some sort of mind reader and they are not…

    We are both taking a risk in letting each other into the darkest most intimate parts of ourselves, but if we want to be in an honest healthy relationship we know that we need to communicate everything if we want to understand eachother and understand our relationship…we know that it is not going to be an easy task for both of us because we are very stubborn and very independent and we both think we are going to be fine we will make it through whatever it is that we are dealing with…but we also know that we cannot do it all alone…there are going to be times where we will have to ask for help and we will not be able to do things alone…and we are okay with that…and we are willing to go through with that because we know that we want us to work and we want us to be healthy and we want us to work…and we are willing and able so BRING IT! lol…

    Thanks for your posts…they all seem to tap into what my girlfriend and I are going through or have gone through…your blogs are so helpful and so real…

  4. 4 Nancy
    January 1, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Being in Holiday mode I checked your blog and noticed the archive list. Can there be anything interesting to read all the way back in 2008 August? Is what went through my head, and I clicked.
    After that click I read some really good post. You two are surprising…and different. Liked this article on risk, superpower, the one, no such thing as perfect.

    I also like to read the comments and one person dissed your blog saying it would be better if you would just share with the people what it is that you did to succeed instead of telling us all this looking inward stuff. The thought that came to me was some people think that if they just copy the steps that worked for someone they will get what they want. Sure, the steps will work but I bet the person will not be able to maintain it for a long period of time, and if they try to maintain the success it won’t be in a healthy, balanced way.
    Thanks for the posts. Have a Happy and Energy fill 2010!


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