Do you hide part of who you are at work?


Being ok with my sexuality is something that has only happened in the past couple of years.  For the longest time I tried to hide it. I pretended I was straight so as not to scare people or offend people… I didn’t want to make anyone feel “uncomfortable.”

I love my job, I love working close to people, I love people.  I train people to be the best they can be in and outside of the gym.  As a Fitness Professional I do not want to just be someone that makes you sweat, or counts how many reps you’ve done… Anyone can do that. I want to inspire you to believe in yourself no matter what. I want you to be so strong inside that the outside just comes. I want you to take risks, I want you to dare to be your wildest dreams, I want you to believe that those dreams are possible.  That’s my mission.

And for me the only way I can authentically carry that message, that truth, is if I live that life.  If I hide who I am from people, if I live in shame, I will not be able to connect with them.  They will unconsciously know I’m insecure with who I am and they won’t be able to fully trust me. I want my clients to be the best they can be, mind-body-spirit… It is my belief that in order for me to be able to train my clients to do this they must know that I am on that same journey and doing my very best every single day to realize my potential. If I tell my clients to never give up, I can’t.  If I tell my clients that they need to be able to look in the mirror and be proud of who they are, I MUST do the same. 

That is why Jessica and I are sharing our stories on SweatCity!  We hope that our stories resonate with you and inspire you to be open to anything and everything life has to offer. 

I’m going to share with you one of my favorite quotes. This Quote is above my bed and I read it almost every single day… 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a higher power.  Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  We were born to make manifest the glory within us.  It is not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.  And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Do you have to hide part of who you are at work? 

p.s. I love you mom 







12 Responses to “Do you hide part of who you are at work?”

  1. 1 K-Lo
    August 7, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    Lacey! I love you and will always love you! Such strength from the deeper part of you that could only ever speak such truth to ring so loud thru me. You know when you just hear and feel that hummmmmmmmmm. Thanks so much for being you. Bonded for life baby! Bring it!

    P.S. Love you too Lacey’s mom.

  2. August 7, 2008 at 9:40 pm

    K-LO!! 🙂 I love you… It took me a llloonnggg time to be ok with the fact that I can me myself and I don’t have to hide or pretend I’m something that I’m not. Take it or leave it, anything’s possible and I believe that with every part of my heart.

  3. 3 rebecca
    August 7, 2008 at 11:11 pm

    Lace, I so admirer your courage. I personally don’t see why ones sexuality makes any difference. Work is work….Just do the damn job correct and your good to go lol. I thought you’re your own boss? bosses get away with EVERYTHING!

    This poem comes to mind!

    you look at me with derision
    mock my life decision
    judging me, you know better
    i am lost, you are clever
    i am different,
    i am wrong,
    i whistle a different tune
    i sing another song
    i dance to another beat
    i dont cross your street.

    i am different.

    i shame you with my style
    you see me, you walk a mile
    you talk behind my back
    my actions you attack.
    i hurt you, i brought you shame
    i am the one to blame
    because i am not the same.

    i am different.

    you said jump, i didnt ask how high
    you spoke, i asked why
    you preached, i taught myself
    you hid, i found the book on a dusty shelf.
    you pretended, i came outright
    you hid behind your garb, i carried my pride
    while you laughed, i cried.

    i am different.

    you pretended,
    i saw the truth
    it all ended.

    i choose to be different.

    i pave my way
    i carve my destiny
    i choose my surroundings
    you are my history.

    you laugh because i’m different.
    i laugh because you are all the same.


    You can deny me
    But you cannot lock the door
    You can block me
    But of one thing be sure:
    You can padlock
    You can throw away the key
    You can hate me forever
    But I will still love me.
    Throw me aside
    Tell me I’m wrong
    Listen to me carefully,
    As me, you will never be as strong.
    What you think you know
    You sure do not
    Take your label
    “drop it like its hot!”

  4. 4 spinshoes
    August 8, 2008 at 5:12 am

    I don’t know Lacey’s mom and I am not a lesbian, but I AM in admiration of the strength that is so evident on this blog, especially the last two posts. I can’t believe I have not stumbled on this quote before but it’s the best thing I’ve ever read. I am inspired to embody it. Thanks for the reminder that greatness attracts greatness, courage attracts courage, and when you set the bar high for who YOU are in the world, your life will be filled with people who will rise to meet you there. :- )

  5. August 8, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Thank you SpinShoes… 🙂
    I hope you come back, we are not going talk about our sexuality all the time BUT I think it is important to address how coming to terms with being gay is a process… It doesn’t happen over night – It can be really hard… But when you stop trying to be something and start searching for who YOU are that is when you find your freedom. When you are who YOU are and that’s that. When you as a person is who you express and being gay just boils down to who you prefer to kiss… I think that’s when you’ve reached a beautiful place in your our own personal evolution of life.
    Thank you to everyone who responded… This post was kind of hard for me. xx

  6. 6 mr pinstripes
    August 8, 2008 at 3:36 pm

    IT’s a tricky question. People usually assume female athletes and trainers can be/are lesbians, just like WNBA players, all the stereo types. As far as being openly gay on a professional website, only if it’s relevant to your work… Might it put some men off training with you because your a lesbian, of course it might. might some naive women be put off.. of course. is it right? of course not. but that is reality. most personal trainers, assitants, massage therapists etc get hired on match anyways, men hire women and visca versa usually. gay men hire other men.. gay women usually hire other women. I got 90 percent of my jobs in nyc from gay men.. so i think as far as a client base well well all know we get clients from our social circles and surroundings so I am sure you will have a lot of clients who are more comfortable with you being who you are then not.. some people won’t care, like my current boss. she never had a straight man as an employee before, cuz she has a daughter. (how sexist and neurotic is that!) but when i interviewed and met her child she loved me so it was a wrap. =p honestly- i wonder how many women reading this, who are gay, only hire women for massage therapy…(for example) i only hire women when possible but im not against men, i’ve had gay and straigfht make and female trainers but i was worried about my body being fit so i could have fun in that sack not who they have fun in the sack with =p

  7. 7 Mollie
    August 8, 2008 at 3:44 pm

    Your honesty is so amazing. People struggle with all kinds of openness and acceptance- parts of themselves they imagine others would reject. We forget to give other people a chance to prove us wrong.

    I think as you explained with your clients- it doesn’t work to live by a motto of “do as I say, not as I do”. I’m sure your courage motivates them beyond what they could imagine for themselves.

    And poor Mom’s! They worry so much about us and have the impulse to protect us from any and all kinds of criticism or missteps- but I’m sure you’re Mom is blown away by your courage and strength at the same time. You’re lucky to have her trying to look out for you even if you’re already on the right path.

  8. 8 Kristi
    August 8, 2008 at 7:23 pm

    Great post! Visibility definitely matters…the more open and honest we are about our lives and loves, the more people recognize that there are really very few differences between gay and straight people. Thank you for having the courage to be yourself.

  9. 9 jessica clark
    August 8, 2008 at 8:50 pm

    Just to clarify Mr Pinstripes, Lacey doesn’t promote herself as gay on her professional website but there is a link to this blog there, which is what her mom was concerned about. Neither Lacey or I would ever cynically try to use our sexuality to gain clients, we would both consider that highly manipulative and unnecessary.
    The purpose of this blog for both Lacey and myself is that we fundamentally believe that our bodies, and how we treat them is a direct reflection of how we truly feel about ourselves. Therefore to achieve the body/health/fitness of our dreams it is essential to really learn to value, love and appreciate all the different unique parts of ourselves. Ethically we would never expect anybody to be honest and open with themselves and others if we were not prepared to do the same. The fact that Lacey and I are gay is one aspect of us as people, it’s not all there is but it is relevant to our lives and how we live them.

    We both work to be the best versions of ourselves everyday and we share as openly as we do because sometimes just realizing that there is another person out there that struggles with the same thing, that you are not a freak or stupid, you are just as human as the next person in all our glory and fallibility, just that realization can be the next step forward in the journey of our lives.

    Thanks for participating Mr P……you always have a unique perspective and we respect and appreciate that!

  10. August 9, 2008 at 5:34 pm

    Lacey, I’m so sorry you got a phone call like that. 😦 How disturbing. I’d assume it was a person only looking out for your best interest, but still I do hope that the person knows where you’re coming from. I mean if a person is heterosexual and have a blog about their girlfriend or boyfriend, no one leaves them messages of, “OMG! You’re putting your heterosexual(ness) out there. Call me.” As if it’s a bad or abnormal thing.

    Homosexuality is still seen as the black sheep, unnatural, abnormal and it’s a shame. Instead of looking at people as human beings, we look at them as categories. Instead of seeing what is similar about everyone we look for what is different. It only takes one person though, to affect and influence a great many. (Like a ripple in the water.)

    I love what you are doing. It helps so many and it is true: “as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” More people need to know, need to come out, need to be themselves and happy… It has become more acceptable for homosexuality generation after generation. I do hope it continues.

    I’m out to friends at work and to virtually everyone that knows me. I believe my supervisors know, but not by me telling them. Ha-ha… My normal response is, “really? No, you don’t look it. Are you joking?” Then it’s something of amazement as I proceed to talk about my girlfriend.

    I know you know this, but be yourself and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Ever.

  11. August 9, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    Rachel you are awesome… Thank you x

  12. 12 Debra Wieder
    August 18, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    I went to your website after class this morning to investigate and perhaps sign up for the Wednesday night extravaganza, and got more than I had anticipated.  Wow – you sure have put your story out there, although I wasn’t at all surprised, because you are your story in real life and in print – very admirable. 

    I wanted to respond in some heartfelt way because even though I don’t really know you and Jessica at all, we do share a similar story, the big difference being that I am probably 25 years older than you. I really identified with a lot of what you say on your site. I had a pretty tumultuous youth, came out to my parents, and eventually made the decision not to hide who I am. Now I’m with the woman of my dreams and we’ve been together for 15 years. Whenever I see you, and now especially after reading your blog, I smile, because you remind me of myself in so many ways.

    So, how do I sign up for that class on Wednesday evening anyway?

    Wisconsin (by the way my name is Debra, but Wisconsin is fine, too)

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