My First Love…


It happened… This past weekend the EX, The Cheater, the First Love, The ONE, she called… The first woman I kissed, the first person I made love to, The One decided to call me after five years of nothing.

She said… “This is a Blast from the past, it’s…” Life is strange, and the roles people play in our lives are constantly shifting. I find that a lot of times we try to hold onto people that don’t add anything significant to our being anymore. We create stories in our heads that keep people from the past close to our hearts in the present like ghosts that haunt our souls.

She called me… She left a message, she asked me to call her back… I thought about it. I called my best college friend, I told Jessica, I told my mom, but in the end I came to the decision on my own.  Had it been another time in my life, had I been single, had I not found such beautiful successes in my career the outcome may’ve been different.

Here’s what I know… I know that no matter how hard I try to forget her I never will, I know that saying I hate her doesn’t mean I don’t still love her. I know that the past is the past and that is where it needs to stay.

The closure that I’ve found is that I know that the woman I once loved occasionally thinks of me… I’m not calling her back.  I have a new life now… Jessica Clark, the woman who broke the curse of the past, who has fought those ghosts hard, the woman who melted me, who made my heart sing again… The woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, my angel.

Oh the Firsts…. So much drama, so many heart aches… I’m over it. I’m moving on to my life now, what the FUTURE holds.  Thank YOU ghosts of the past, thank you for helping me look deep down inside my soul to find out who I am. To come to the realization that I’m a warrior, I can handle anything, and the future is whatever I make of it.

What would you do… Would you call her or him?





16 Responses to “My First Love…”

  1. 1 Raffy
    July 15, 2008 at 9:28 pm

    I think it’s graet that you did not call.. but I personally would want to tell that other person that CLOSURE has taken place and that there is no need to talk! Personally, that would 100% end the chapter for me.. yet we all handle things differently!

  2. July 16, 2008 at 1:32 am

    Hey, I love moments like that oddly. It’s oddly satisfying to have the “ex” call when there is so much good in your life apart from them — especially when a few years ago one couldn’t predict such an amazing outcome. ❤ I would be very tempted to call, but I think complete closure comes from within yourself and you not giving her a call back will send enough of a message to her.

    Peace ☮

  3. 3 Eneb
    July 16, 2008 at 1:38 am

    Hmm. Not calling seems to spell out “im not over it”. Unless this person is violent or crazy I would call. If she wants to start hanging out as friends and you don’t want that just say NO THANKS. Your in the position of power now. 😛

    P.S. My reason is once I almost didn’t call one of my exes and would have missed out on a GREAT JOB!

  4. 4 ariela
    July 16, 2008 at 2:16 pm

    @Eneb – I like your PS. It makes sense. And in (at least) one way, I do agree that “not” calling seems to indicate that there are still feelings…

    But that’s just the thing — there ARE still feelings! You don’t forget The One That Broke Your Heart, and you don’t necessarily get OVER it… At least not in the sense that you don’t still feel SOMETHING… But you do move on, fully and completely (after much time and emotion) and at that point, why allow them to reenter your life? What do you need from the relationship?

    Why call a person you don’t even know anymore? Especially one that caused so much harm? To whose benefit is that phone call made?

    Truly moving on from The Ex, perhaps, is not a process of making it “ok” to have them in your life again. It’s not a process of bettering yourself so that you can yet again be friends and everyone lives happily ever after. I think maybe that truly moving on from The Ex means coming to a place where you no longer feel like they belong in your life -at all.-

    …And maybe 40 years later, things are different, and you reconnect for a good hearty laugh.

  5. July 16, 2008 at 3:24 pm

    See, I think you made an awesome decision. You looked within to see who you are before you did anything. You know that you’re doing just fine without her. She hurt you, and whats the point of bringing that back? No point. Nonetheless. I’m the foolish type, and I probably would’ve called her back. Even knowing all the consequences, I would’ve ended up hurting myself. But, I think of love, and life as a game… You roll the dice, and sometimes you have to go back a couple spaces before you can move on… But in the end. You’re eventually going to win, and the prize is really what you want to make of it.

  6. July 16, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    You write with such beautiful emotions. Smart of you not to call her back. It would only create drama. A moment of curiosity from the past can erase all the amazing things in your life. You have come this far don’t look back cause your ex is lonely.

  7. 7 K-Lo
    July 17, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Lace! That was the most important thing. You went down deep within and something spoke to you. You made your decision and I support you 100%. Can you imagine, I’m in ME now and will be having a dinner with you know who! Everyone included! I’m looking foward to it and have not had any bad memories that I have let take over me or my heart. It’s a great feeling to be at the point where I am now and feels as though there are more things to learn from this. I love you too babe! We are so hanging out when you get here! Muah!

  8. 8 Dilemma
    July 19, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    This is bringing up so many emotions for me right now… My Ex is recent but exactly the same situtation, I know eventually i will talk to her, but as of right now i dont want to ever again.

    Do you ever really get over it, or do you just forgive and move on.

  9. 9 K-Lo
    July 24, 2008 at 2:48 pm


    I don’t know why I am feeling so inclined to respond to your comment but it took me 8 eight years. Are we back in contact? Yes actually and still connected but in a different way. What worked well for me back in the day was outta sight outta mind and I felt to apologize even to this day but I knew that was what I needed at that point. And if I was to ever EVER let communcation happen again that I would need to find myself in a place of awareness and peace and be truly centered. I have been able to reach that point just brisking the age of 29 and in reaching that point and possibly saying… got over it THROUGH forgiveness and feeling solid at my core. Good luck to you.

  10. 10 Dilemma
    July 26, 2008 at 6:18 am

    K-Lo thank you so much for your amazing words.

    And you give me a lot of hope for myself in the future.
    At the end of a break up especially for me being my first girlfriend and having had her hook up with a guy straight after me i feel so lost in myself and like i might never find someone else again,

    Im glad i found lacey and jess’s blog for their words and for yours

    Thank you so much.

  11. 11 mr pinstripes
    July 28, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    your request for a second opinion conveys second thoughts… i think her easy breezy attitude was patronizing and sent a good message…(she didn’t mention her dissing of you which is kinda dumb) but maybe not, maybe she wants “to talk” to apologize and get forgiveness, or maybe she is just lonely and calling people ion her old phone.. who knows. part of you would be scared to get in touch, for fear that you aren’t over here, that it will complicate your current situation (Even though it’s not really likely) but part of you wants to see her face to face, curiosity is human.. see if she still has any affect on you. i’d wait for her to call again, or just call her when you’re ready. don’t make a power game of it, that’s just childish (like some other people insinuated) maybe you and your mrs meet her for lunch, i don’t think you’ll have true closure until you see her and realize she doesn’t mean sweaty socks to you anymore. i saw my ex yesterday randomly and it was a big blessing.. i said to myself as she left “im glad that chapter is over” and it felt GREAT

  12. 12 kis4karma
    September 28, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    I remember my very first – Stephanie K. – we were in grade school
    Then I remember MY FIRST
    she was in college – I in high school
    she had a boyfriend – I loved her more.
    He dumped her, he cheated on her, he made her cry – she took him back.
    I was left out in the cold.
    They know have a two month old and she constantly calls me to tell me about their troubles and how he isn’t there and how she wants to get married… it’s been 5 years, and somehow I can’t help but still feel nostalgic, a part of me wants to be a friend… but how can you be a friend to someone you once loved so much more than just a friend??

    It sounds as if you need closure, but then again you don’t want to open up any old wounds – and then again in a way… they have already been opened. You already know deep down what to do Lace…


  13. 13 T
    November 13, 2009 at 6:25 am

    Hells No……..Not if I had Jessica Clark as my girlfriend….:)

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