Moving in is a Tricking Topic for budding new relationships. In this episode Jessica and Lacey talk about the crucial steps that go into that all encompassing decision… Are we ready to move in together?
There is a strong gay theme in this episode, however many universal truths are uncovered as well… Enjoy! 
Watch what happens…
We’re bbaccckkkk and better than ever! A HOT format and fresh NEW Topics… Jessica and I can’t wait to share the juice with you. Come November it’s on.
(Hotties don’t just happen… )
Jessica and I went to a Fun Movie last night, “He’s just not that into you…” It’s good for a laugh, not an Oscar :)
The movie focuses on the lives of 4 women – Jennifer Connelly, Scarlet Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, and Ginnifer Goodwin. Don’t worry, I’m not going to ruin the movie for you… Sooo you can keep reading
Basically the theme of the movie is LOVE and the journey of love for each individual woman. It got me to thinking about relationships and the journeys of love we all go on in our lives.
There are SO many different steps in the LOVE journey, SO many variables that have to be right in order to make that “connection,” that SPARK. That’s what we’re all looking for, right? The spark… That feeling inside you where you know you want to continue to spend time with someone.
What’s Love anyway? What’s that SPARK all about? Is it Chemical?
Here’s what I know about love, relationships… Before you go searching for a soul mate you need to find your own soul, ya know what I mean? I think the NUMBER ONE most attractive feature in a person is when they know who they are and what they want. That’s SEXY!
It doesn’t matter how good-looking you are, or how much money you have in the bank. If you have a strong sense of self I guarantee the only time you’re alone on a Friday night is if you want to be
I see and hear people, men and women alike, looking for someone to fill their void. Fill their emptiness inside. They are searching for someone to make everything ok. I’m a victim of it as well. It doesn’t just happen in the beginning of relationships… It happens all the way through them. YOU feel bad and you want your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife to make it all better. That is A LOT of responsibility for another human being aaaannddd it’s NOT a turn on in the long run. You’re partner isn’t a blood relative and they’re not meant to be your Mom or Dad. Depending on another human being for your happiness is the quickest recipe for disaster. It happens all the time.
Why is the divorce rate and break-up rate sooo high? Because relationships are hard work… and a strong sense of direction in knowing who you are is vital in maintaining a strong, healthy, and lasting relationship. Because times will get tough and if you know what you want you will have solid ground to stand on… YOU will be able to keep that flame, that love alive. What extinguishes the flame; the SPARK is when you think the fire will go on forever. When you stop putting in the work, adding the excitement. We gotta keep evolving as people, we gotta keep learning, keep dreaming… Once you’re in a relationship it’s not time to sit back and relax… It’s time to create new adventures. If you want your relationship to be new and exciting, you gotta do new and exciting stuff, it’s as simple as that!
The SPARK dies because people get comfortable in their boring patterns. Travel, go to parties, go to the opera, keep the love ALIVE. Love is like a Fire if you want to keep it burning you gotta keep putting wood on it. Keep it FRESH, baby!
Here’s my life experience in a nutshell I wanted a HOT, sexy, career driven women that knew what she wanted. I knew if I was going to be able to handle someone like that… I had to get my shit together. If you want a HIGH END Man or Woman… YOU best figure out how to bring your A-GAME on a regular… ookkkkkk?!
I see this all the time… People land a HOT Date… But a date, is a date, is a date. If you wanna keep that hottie you gotta be standing on solid ground with lots of balls in the air to offer. If you don’t have lots of wood to put on that fire… This flame is going to go out, it’s inescapable.
Lots of love analogies today… BUT I want you to find it. Jessica is the love of my life. She is the woman of my dreams… And I truly believe we found each other because I was on the path of my own dreams. I was searching for my own soul and so was she. WE met in the middle and we believe in the same things. WE believe in dreams, in never being satisfied with the status quo, we both believe in love… And we know that LOVE doesn’t just happen… It’s not a Hollywood Happy Ending.
Love is something we can all have. We must first find love for ourselves and once we find that special someone both must agree to keep the flame alive.
Love & Respect…
Jessica and I got into a full-blown FIGHT today. Yes, Jessica and Lacey, the couple that has it all together got into a full blown yelling match. I mean… We like to call them “heated debates” but for all intents and purposes it was a fight :)
I’m a little embarrassed to be sharing the details of ‘The Battle at Chelsea’ BUT if there’s something you can gain from our unfortunate squabble it’s all worth it to us at SWEATCity! BRING IT
What’s a fight anyway? I think a fight can be a mix of these 3 relationship FireBALLS!
For Jessica and I today it was a CLASH of EGOS! I’m big into horoscope signs… You know Cancer, Aquarius, Scorpio…? I think it gives you a benchmark to understanding your partner at their most raw state. I know what my negative tendencies are and I do everything in my power to curb them. Let me explain…
Jessica is a Taurus, according to her horoscope she’s as stubborn as they come. There’s no budging Jessica when she’s made up her mind… No sirrreeee. Being Stubborn is part of what a Taurus is all about. Jessica is conscious of this personality flaw and takes it into account in all her interactions. On a very real level she’s also English, very reserved… She does not like yelling and she rarely if ever raises her tone. I think she’s yelled at me 3 times over the course of our entire relationship.
I, LACEY, am an Aries According to my horoscope I have an explosive temper and I always like to have things my way… This is also a reality I’m very conscious of in all the decisions I make and the interactions I have. I am not reserved. I like it loud. In fact, I enjoy a good screaming match on occasion
Can you see how these two personality types might get a little messy?
Sooo here’s the situation. For the past five days The Clark-Stone Household has been SICK. I had a stomach Virus from Wednesday to Fridayish and Jessica inherited it from me late Friday into Today. Those are the facts… I was feeling a little fragile and so was she. Not the greatest ground to start on.
I woke-up on this lovely Sunday morning “kinda” ready to teach My Two HOUR Extravaganza workout. Kinda ready because I hadn’t worked out since last Wednesday. I really wanted Jessica to be there because I was feeling fragile and a little out of sorts. You can see my perspective, right? :)
As I was getting ready I could feel a little uneasiness in the apartment… I knew what was coming. Jessica in her lovely English accent said – “Would you be upset if I didn’t come to class this morning?”
OH PEOPLE… Lord forgive me for I have sinned! The Aries came out…. It wasn’t so much that I was mad at her. It was that I was mad that I had painted this lovely picture of her helping me get through the next two hours and frankly in that moment I didn’t know how I was going to get through it. It was a mix of my temper, my ego, EVERYTHING… I don’t even know what I said?
OUT of No where… ‘The Battle of Chelsea’ had begun!
Before I knew it the reserved English Rose began yelling at me in frequencies I could barely understand… Dogs on the streets were howling. Jessica’s tone shocked me back into reality… Frankly I was a little scared. OMG. For the woman that never raises her voice… This was… this was… WOW.
In that moment of her yelling I became very upset. Not upset that she was yelling at me, I was upset at the entire scenario. Upset at my childishness, at my stupid loss of temper, at my stubbornness…
You know what makes relationships work? How you stay together? Of course it’s about love, but another big part of the puzzle is respect. In that moment when Jessica raised her voice and did something so out of character for her… I was silenced. I had hurt her, I know her. She was doing something that she hates to do… Just so I could hear her. I wasn’t listening. It wasn’t about me and my class… It was about her being sick. She physically couldn’t do both classes. If I hadn’t been such a jerk… she said she would’ve come to the second hour but now it was an impossibility. She didn’t need to say it because I knew.
I let my pain, DUMB ego, and Aries bullheadedness get in the way. Fighting can be good because if you love someone you can learn soo much about yourself. You just need to back track and look in the mirror. After a deep breath and a look back, this fight was very one sided… It was very much about my BS and I take full responsibility. I could point fingers and say stupid stuff about Jessica… but the fact is that I love her and I don’t want to see her yelling. She is not a yeller, as much as I enjoy a good verbal altercation… Jessica does not and I RESPECT that.
When I came back from that 2 hour workout there were only three words I could think of to say to her… The words might not be strong enough… But the memories of today will stay with me forever. I will do my best to listen to her and respect her in the future.
I’m sorry Jessica.
We all have DEMONS; you know what I’m talking about, right?
Demons come in all shapes and sizes. The BIG 4 - JEALOUSY–ABANDONMENT–SHAME– RAGE– represent a lot of drama in life. These Demons are emotions/feelings that make us uncomfortable, they cause us to continually runaway from ourselves. In fact, some people spend a lifetime running away from the monsters of their minds.
The Demons are based in FEAR. Fear of something that occurred in the past, fear of something we refuse to let go of in the present. We REFUSE with such vigor that we allow the event of the past to control our future, our right now. Parents, EXs, Bosses – stay with us forever, effecting our every decision and pushing us in directions we don’t necessarily want to go. We, allow people that are no longer in our lives, the ghosts of the past, guide our future. Why do we give them the power… Is it Fear of the unknown?
For many people dealing with their Inner Demon is far worse than living a life controlled by it. I like to feel like “I know what the outcome is going to be.” I’ve had a conversation like this with my inner monster before… Let me know if this sounds familiar to you?
“I know she’s going to cheat on me because she’s acting the same way Sara did right before she left… I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to be faithful? I think I’m going to end this before it gets ugly.”
Sometimes running away from the demons seems safer than meeting them head on – JEALOUSY–ABANDONMENT–SHAME–RAGE – are buried so deep we don’t even realize we’re running away from them. A ‘RUNNER’ is our natural defense mechanism for not having to deal with The BIG 4… But there’s a catch.
It happens a lot in relationships – The relationship is AMAZING, it’s like walkin on cloud 9, it’s Magical, aaannnddd then reality kicks in… Problems start to come – Bills, Moving in, Marriage, Babies – This is the exact point where there’s the choice of facing the Demons OR Running Away? In this day and age I find that Running away is very trendy. When we run we never have to put in the work… We can cover it up by saying… “I fell out of Love.” I personally feel like the “Falling out of Love Story” is not so much about falling out of love but the point where someone in the relationship HIT their Demon. They hit their Demon and chose to move on/runaway rather than deal with it.
It’s fine to be a RUNNER, hell I’ve been a Runner, but here’s the problem – The Catch. When we meet the next “Great” person, when we move to the next “Great” city, when we get the next “Great” job the pattern happens all over again. There it is smack in our FACES, our Demon. If we choose not to deal with our monsters they will never go away. Soooo the running away has little to do with the boyfriend, girlfriend, city, or job AAANNNDDDDDD almost everything to do with our Demons.
I’ve been cheated on… ABANDONMENT in a relationship is my number one Demon. When times got tough with Jessica in the beginning of our relationship, I would freak out. The chatter in my head was LOUD, I wanted to runway because I was soooo afraid of what she was going to do. One day I realized I was a Runner – I had an epiphany. I realized that all the relationships I had in past seven years fizzled because I was never in them 100%. I didn’t want to get close to people because I didn’t want to face my Demon. If I didn’t deal with my Abandonment Issue and continually chose to runaway I could never get hurt. BUT the catch was that I was hurting all the time. The ghosts of my past were ruling my present, ruling my now. I was ssoooo afraid to feel… I thought I was protecting myself from the pain… I thought I was being smart not getting close to friends or lovers. I wasn’t being smart. I was “playing it safe,” I wasn’t even living.
Thankfully Jessica, my angel, my knight in shining armor, came mysteriously into my life. She knocked me back to Reality. She made me want to feel again. She made me want to take the risk of losing myself, the risk of being broken hearted-or-living happily ever after. Before Jessica my heart was frozen, put on a shelf, out of service… Her presence in my life made me want to make big Changes. I knew if I truly wanted to make our relationship LAST I had to slay the DEMONS, I had to fight to be in control of myself, and my heart. I had to fight to get back to square one, back to a place where I could love again.
The Demons never go away… They’ll always be there. For Years they will be yelling at us, chattering away in our inner most thoughts, ruling our every decision… and they can rule our entire life if we let them. Battle your Demons… quite the chatter to a whisper. You can take back the power in your life if you face The Demon that you run from.
What do you run from? What scares you?
When I said that I was going to post about S-E-X, Lacey was marginally horrified. There were a couple of reasons behind this; one I think is predominantly cultural. I’m a true blue European who got reprimanded for sunbathing topless when I first came to the US, and Lacey is an all-American sweetheart who’s a little more of a lady…..in public at least
The other concern was exactly how the subject of sex was relevant to an (hopefully) inspirational Health, Fitness and Lifestyle blog? To me, sex, be it the potential of it, the lack of it, our expertise in it, our insecurities, or our enjoyment of it is one of the underpinnings of our lives. Yes, we go to the gym and try to steer clear of sugar because we want a healthy strong body, but it’s also so we can feel sexy and attractive in those bodies. So when the lights get turned out, we can maybe switch them back on . So that when we walk into a room we can feel confident that we are presenting the best versions of ourselves. So we can be potentially desirable to someone that we in turn desire to kiss and caress and touch. There’s no shame in that. That’s an essential element of who we are as people.
I received a request to write about my thoughts on sleeping with somebody on the first date. And just to be clear, by sleeping, I mean sex
I’m an assertive woman. I’ve slept with people on the first date, more than once or twice (sorry mum). I’ve also been made to wait for quite a while. Long-term relationships sometimes actually evolved out of both circumstances; I don’t necessarily think it’s true that sleeping with someone immediately makes them take you less seriously. BUT… I have come to believe that unless you’re literally looking to scratch that itch and get the hell out of Boca, AND that the other person is looking for the same thing, it’s not the most ideal thing to get that intimate that quickly.
DISCLAIMER; I’m speaking from the female perspective here, having never been a man. Male readers: please add a comment and give us your take on the situation!
Here’s what I see A LOT. A great woman, funny, sexy, smart gets all hung up on a guy or a girl who’s really not that right for them. They’re probably pretty hot and have got a certain swagger but that’s often about it. They don’t have much to say, or they’re obviously a major player, they like to party just a little too much, they have a tendency to let you pick up the check on a regular, OR they’re just not that into you. They’re scratching that itch. And yet this woman is into them big time. Women (generally speaking) apparently have a biological mechanism that ensures that the hormones released after getting intimate help create a sensation of bonding with their sex partner. This might have been useful when we needed someone to hunt and kill the dinner for our bambinos, but not so much now when the fact is we were just horny, and a little drunk and on a date with someone who has moves. By getting intimate that fast are we just setting ourselves up to get attached to someone before we have any real idea of what they’re about? Before we know if we even WANT to get involved with them?
As women I sometimes don’t think we’re being fair to ourselves or to the other person. How do they know what you want or don’t want, when they don’t know you and you don’t tell them? Why is it that we can know someone well enough to get down and dirty but most of us would rather die than be clear and honest about what it is we’re looking for? No games, no pretense, not trying to be so damn cool about our feelings all the time.
Sex, especially GOOD sex (if it’s amazing then you’re totally screwed!) creates a false intimacy with someone that you don’t even know if you really like as a person. We can get all obsessed with someone who we’re not compatible with in the slightest. We can even end up in relationships that are going nowhere fast. Just think of that ex somewhere in your past and how you can’t even imagine how THAT ever happened!
By the way….if you’re a girls girl reading this and you don’t identify…I’d ask the last girl you casually hooked up with exactly how she feels about the situation. Two women; the odds are that ONE is feeling a little like this.
There’s no way to predict the outcome of any romantic/sexual entanglement. We’re all human, all fallible and there are no rules that haven’t been broken, nor clichés that haven’t been totally turned on their heads. But I believe that it’s about being honest with yourself on the journey towards what it is that you most want in life. It’s in the same way that if you’re trying to lose weight, or tone up at the gym; you and only YOU know if your hour at the gym was really 10 minutes on the cross-trainer and 50 minutes in the steam room, or if it was really just one cookie. Only we are ultimately in control of how much we want anything in life.
If you’re just feeling frisky and they seem like a fun, SAFE, sexy person, and you just want to cut loose; no regrets, no expectations, then by all means, go do your thing. I’m not knocking it in the slightest . But what I am saying is that if you know that deep down you perhaps would like a relationship in your life, then not sleeping together right away can give you a chance; not to ‘trap’ them or portray yourself as a ‘good’ girl, but to figure out if THEY are who YOU really want.
What are your thoughts and experiences in the journey of love, life and sex?
Last Night Jessica and I went to a beautiful Gay Wedding. One of my Favorite Fitness Colleagues, Patricia Moreno, got hitched. The woman she married is from Brazil and they’re both BIG Dancers so you can only imagine the state of affairs, Dancin, Dancin, DANCIN!
As we often do at weddings… Post festivities I got to thinking about my future with Jessica; When is the BIOATCH is going to get on one knee, and how this beautiful creature came into my life?
Pre-Clark, I had sworn off Love… I said and I quote, “NO MORE Lovin for Lacey.” I decided I was going to be a 007 type of a character, A George Clooney of sorts! Very dramatic, I know… But I’d been hurt and I was OVER IT, ok? :) Deciding I didn’t need a relationship to be happy was a real turning point for me in my life.
It was at that time that I started to realize that society puts a lot pressure on people, especially women, to be in relationships. They make you feel like there’s something wrong with you if you’re not paired up. Aaannd GOD FORBID you’re not married before 40. If you ask a lot of people it almost seems like it’s better to have been divorced then never married at all… What’s that sayin? I’m sorry but that’s BALONEY SANDWICHES!
The way relationships are viewed in American Society really bothers me… People would say to me a lot, you’re soo great why aren’t you in a relationship? YOU need to go out, you need to meet someone, BLAH! I would say, “Why do you think I need to be with someone? I don’t want to be in a relationship right now is that so strange?” People would look at me and be like… “uummmm, yeah?”
I made a conscious choice to go against the grain and fly solo, no relationships for me, NOPE, no siirreeeee, none! Those two and half years were some of the best years of my life… I found my career passion, I found out what I do and don’t like, and most importantly I found out I can be 100% happy and fulfilled without being with someone. I became a whole person in every single sense of the word. I didn’t need anyone to make me feel better about myself I found the strength inside me to do it alone. It made me feel so powerful. I really learned to love being single, strange I know?
It was around that time I shockingly realized I had a lot to offer?! That if I ever decided to get into a “real” relationship I wouldn’t be going into it to find something I’d be going into it to add something. I realized I had A LOT of love to give and I started to look forward to the possibility of some day meeting her… That “She” just might come into my life.
I developed a new confidence… a little swagger. I wasn’t searching out love I was just feeling it everywhere I went. You know the saying you get what you give? Well I was giving off llooovvvvee and I was getting it back BIG TIME. There was a lot of dating going on during that time in my life, lots of FUN times. AND my entire outlook on love changed. My clients would ask me why are you still single Lacey? And I would say… She’s coming. Because in my heart I knew she was.
Have you ever nursed yourself back from heartache to wholeness?
Jessica’s Gone… Again
Here I am sitting alone on the weekend… Wondering why I’m in love with an international model that’s always getting on planes and saying goodbye. Lately it seems like she’s saying goodbye more than hello…. aaannnddd then I start to giggle because I repeat the sentence “I’m in love with an international model,” Hahahahahaha!
Oohhhh Man, I wanted to write a workout blog tonight but I can’t seem to focus on anything other than the lovely Ms. Clark… Cliché, I know.
Sooo, here’s what I’m going to blog about- How to deal with separation from a loved one. Bare with me now… I’m learning the art of mastering the skill as we speak, I’m by no means a professional, however if I stick with Ms Clark (which I plan on doing… Don’t get any funny ideas ) I better get dam good at this. The woman is out of the country almost two weeks every month.
LACEY’S 8 TIPS TO RELATIONSHIP SEPARATION (when her gut reaction is to fall apart)
1. HAVE YOUR OWN THING
For me my Job is the thing that saves me. I found something I really love doing, fitness – www.laceystonefitness.com . This makes it easier when Jessica goes away because I don’t feel like my life is completely put on hold while she’s living hers.
Many of my past relationships failed because I put so much pressure on the other person. When I look back on past relationships it’s clear that a lot of the time I lived vicariously through my girlfriend rather than having my own “Thing.” I find that having my own “Thing” gives me confidence and is my angel when Jessica’s away… AND I’m 100% certain if I didn’t have my own thing this relationship would not work long term.
2. SCHEDULE, schedule, schedule!
When Jessica goes away I make sure my schedule is jam packed with activities that keep my mind going. I make business meetings at night when I would normally be meeting up with Jessica. I call friends that I’ve been MIA with and reconnect… I run errands, I call my mom a lot, and I pick up that book that’s starting to collect dust. Stay busy!
3. SURPRISES
When I really start to miss her I figure out some sort of surprise. Theatre tickets, rose petal messages, gifts waiting in her hotel room, silly stuff… Last Halloween I carved her a pumpkin that said, “I love you.” I enjoy creating moments that are meaningful… Memories. In my opinion romantic ideas don’t have to be expensive but they do have to be creative.
I tend to talk to my clients, friends, and people about romantic things that happened to them. I think about what I would like someone to do for me and then I decide if that’s something Jessica would like. Believe it or not she doesn’t like expensive gifts, she likes gifts that are meaningful. Soooo, I listen to her all the time… Those are the best gifts, the gifts I come up with when she mentions something silly in passing; She loves sliced oranges, bubbles, pillows, doggies, the color purple…
4. KEEP IT TOGETHER
When Jessica leaves for 15days it SUCKS… I gotta be honest. At the same time, she doesn’t want to be gone that long either. It stinks for her too. So I need to be strong for both of us. If I’m not strong it makes it hard for her to do her job. If I complain about her leaving all the time then she feels bad every time she gets a big job… Feeling bad creates resentment and resentment creates something I don’t want to deal with. Resentment leads to a lot of pain/frustrations/reasons for break-ups… NOT a good place. So I gotta keep it together… If her leaving hurts a lot I need to call mom, talk to friends, pay a therapist, but I don’t think it’s smart to put pressure on her because she already feels the pressure. She doesn’t want to be away, it’s killing her too. Of course, I can’t hide stuff… then I build resentment… Communication is key. If it starts to bother me to much that she’s away all the time I need to tell her. HOWEVER I think it’s important that I do try to work it out myself first. I think it’s vital to keep it together not only for me, but also for us.
5. LIVE NOW
I consciously train my brain to not run wild… I train it to stay out of catastrophe mode. I find this to be the most difficult AND the most effective way to handle separation.
What do I mean?? Here’s an example… I’m walking down the street and my mind starts to run away from me (YOU know that little voice in your head) “Jessica’s gone, this is impossible, how am I going to handle this… This week is going to stink… I have a wedding to go to on Saturday and now I’m going alone, I hate this… what am I going to do tonight, crap if only Jessica were here… AND on AND on AND on.”
The BS that comes out of my head is endless and can be fairly destructive if I listen. When Jessica goes away I try to be extremely aware of my thoughts and if a SUPER Negative thought won’t leave me I break it down so that I can find the positive twist on it. Believe it or not there are two sides to every thought. Your outlook on your thoughts is based on how you choose to react to them. The only real power we have as human beings is to decide how we’re going to handle situations, that is what differentiates us from other all species… We have the choice to love, to hate, to laugh (no other species can laugh), to cry.
I’m getting a bit off track, Sorry. It’s just that I find #5 to be huge and never underestimated. I get asked a lot why I’m so positive… Honestly, I’ve been very negative in my life and it’s not a fun way to live. Every Single Day I make a conscious choice to be the best version of myself, to be as positive in life as possible… I believe if everyone could find a way to be positive the world would be such a better place. It’s easy to be negative about things… But being strong enough to find the positive in everything makes you a real survivor. If you can find a way to smile through the pain you can handle anything. Live now!
6. ICHAT, PHONE, TEXT
Jessica and I have ICHAT DATES several times over the course of her many travels. We get to see each other and chat as if she’s just in the other room We are known to leave Ichat on for hours.
PHONE – I call her and leave her silly messages just to hear her voicemail. GOD we are kind of ridiculous, eh?
TEXT – Annnddd the text message, I love to text her throughout the day telling her what I’m up to. I’m a bit of a texting BANDIT! Often times we are in different time zones so if I say… “On my way to Equinox to BRING IT in TheBigGAME!!!,” she can know exactly what street I’m on and feel exactly what I’m feeling… It’s nice.
7. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU HAVE
Trust me, it could always be worse. I try to focus on what I have. When I start to focus on what I don’t have it ALWAYS makes me angry guaranteed.
EXAMPLES - When I get sad that Jessica’s away…
1. I could focus on how terrible I feel or I could focus on the fact that I have someone to miss.
2. I could be upset that her job takes her away from me sooo much or I could focus on the fact that when she’s in New York her job gives her the freedom to see me whenever she wants.
This tactic is not dissimilar to #5, but sometimes it helps to make a list to make you feel better…Write out your thoughts and fight the fear and anger on paper. YOU can apply these tips to Work, Fitness, Family, whatever. I find in Fitness often times people get caught up in what they don’t have instead of focusing on what they do have… if they don’t feel good immediately than something must be wrong? WRONG! Strength, growth, wisdom, weight-loss, love… They all take time, it takes courage to build a solid foundation in the prominent areas of your life. I find that when I focus on the journey rather than the destination I am much Happier and more centered.
8. GET ON A PLANE
Worst-case scenario… I can’t take it anymore! I fork over the doe, hop on a plane and say, “Heeyyyy Jessica, I’m comin to get YOU!”
How do you handle being separated from a loved one… It hurts right?!
Ever noticed how your nutrition and fitness just wants to go out the window as soon as there’s a bump in the road at home, or at work? For me my emotional default setting, that I consciously have to reset: is to ‘eat my feelings’, stuff down the food and forget about whatever I’m angry or hurt, or stressed out about. That’s what I always did….. because then I could think about purging, or about how ‘fat’ I was: anything but the actual issue.
I’ve learnt over the years to recognize that my cravings for sugary baked goods have almost nothing to do with being hungry, and everything to do with…. well, everything else. It’s become the big red flag in my brain that I’m not dealing with something that’s bothering me.
So I haven’t had to work so hard to avoid the FOUR bakeries and patisseries that are within walking distance from me for quite some time. ;) And I couldn’t really figure it out. Ok, initially we were having some major miscommunications, and disagreements. But then we were talking it out, and discussing, and analyzing EVERYTHING. We swung in the other direction almost, but still, neither of us were feeling that great about things.
And then we figured out that we were focusing on the negative, that we were nitpicking and pulling apart all our incompatibilities and making each other crazy. Yes we’re moving in together and that’s scary, that’s us saying “This is my person, I’m IN this”, that’s giving up some privacy, that sense of security (however misleading) that if it all goes to hell in a handbag we can walk away unscathed. That’s realizing that all our little idiosyncrasies that we thought were so cute when we first started dating; like the fact that everyday she leaves her empty energy bar wrapper on the counter instead of putting it in the trash; Or the way I rearrange things that she puts down for a second, because its not the way I like them to be. They’re things we’re going to have to learn to live with or go crazy.
But in talking out all our frustrations and miscommunications we hadn’t really thought about how COMPATIBLE we really truly are in a long time. We hadn’t consciously thought about all those things that had contributed to us falling in love and wanting to be together forever, and yes, to move in together. We had just got used to the fact that we’re both early to bed, early to rise girls, we’re both ambitious in our careers, we LOVE to workout, we like the same quirky, beautiful restaurants that serve healthy world foods. We’re both obsessed with 1940’s black and white movies, and we’d rather curl up on a Friday night with our child (Patron…a 10lbs Pomeranian) and watch one than go out until 3am. When we do go out we like to dance and sing and be silly, not ‘cool’.
We’re stubborn, strong-willed and fiercely independent. Neither of us wants to give ground. We both have had our hearts hurt in very different ways and we’re both so determined not to ‘lose ourselves’ in another person that we find being in a long-term relationship very hard, almost impossible. But we love each other. So here’s what we’ve decided. That there’s no one we’d rather find it impossible to be with and build a life with than each other. There’s no person we’d rather drive and be driven crazy by than each other. Sometimes we’re just going to have to accept that we just don’t agree at all. And then let it go. The rest of the time, let’s appreciate all the wonderful, silly, fun, sexy things that unite us and not take them for granted.
It’s a deal.
I’m just grateful I’ve stopped craving triple layer chocolate fudge cake with ice cream!!
What do you think about compatibility? Or food cravings? :)
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