We all have DEMONS; you know what I’m talking about, right?
Demons come in all shapes and sizes. The BIG 4 - JEALOUSY–ABANDONMENT–SHAME– RAGE– represent a lot of drama in life. These Demons are emotions/feelings that make us uncomfortable, they cause us to continually runaway from ourselves. In fact, some people spend a lifetime running away from the monsters of their minds.
The Demons are based in FEAR. Fear of something that occurred in the past, fear of something we refuse to let go of in the present. We REFUSE with such vigor that we allow the event of the past to control our future, our right now. Parents, EXs, Bosses – stay with us forever, effecting our every decision and pushing us in directions we don’t necessarily want to go. We, allow people that are no longer in our lives, the ghosts of the past, guide our future. Why do we give them the power… Is it Fear of the unknown?
For many people dealing with their Inner Demon is far worse than living a life controlled by it. I like to feel like “I know what the outcome is going to be.” I’ve had a conversation like this with my inner monster before… Let me know if this sounds familiar to you?
“I know she’s going to cheat on me because she’s acting the same way Sara did right before she left… I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to be faithful? I think I’m going to end this before it gets ugly.”
Sometimes running away from the demons seems safer than meeting them head on – JEALOUSY–ABANDONMENT–SHAME–RAGE – are buried so deep we don’t even realize we’re running away from them. A ‘RUNNER’ is our natural defense mechanism for not having to deal with The BIG 4… But there’s a catch.
It happens a lot in relationships – The relationship is AMAZING, it’s like walkin on cloud 9, it’s Magical, aaannnddd then reality kicks in… Problems start to come – Bills, Moving in, Marriage, Babies – This is the exact point where there’s the choice of facing the Demons OR Running Away? In this day and age I find that Running away is very trendy. When we run we never have to put in the work… We can cover it up by saying… “I fell out of Love.” I personally feel like the “Falling out of Love Story” is not so much about falling out of love but the point where someone in the relationship HIT their Demon. They hit their Demon and chose to move on/runaway rather than deal with it.
It’s fine to be a RUNNER, hell I’ve been a Runner, but here’s the problem – The Catch. When we meet the next “Great” person, when we move to the next “Great” city, when we get the next “Great” job the pattern happens all over again. There it is smack in our FACES, our Demon. If we choose not to deal with our monsters they will never go away. Soooo the running away has little to do with the boyfriend, girlfriend, city, or job AAANNNDDDDDD almost everything to do with our Demons.
I’ve been cheated on… ABANDONMENT in a relationship is my number one Demon. When times got tough with Jessica in the beginning of our relationship, I would freak out. The chatter in my head was LOUD, I wanted to runway because I was soooo afraid of what she was going to do. One day I realized I was a Runner – I had an epiphany. I realized that all the relationships I had in past seven years fizzled because I was never in them 100%. I didn’t want to get close to people because I didn’t want to face my Demon. If I didn’t deal with my Abandonment Issue and continually chose to runaway I could never get hurt. BUT the catch was that I was hurting all the time. The ghosts of my past were ruling my present, ruling my now. I was ssoooo afraid to feel… I thought I was protecting myself from the pain… I thought I was being smart not getting close to friends or lovers. I wasn’t being smart. I was “playing it safe,” I wasn’t even living.
Thankfully Jessica, my angel, my knight in shining armor, came mysteriously into my life. She knocked me back to Reality. She made me want to feel again. She made me want to take the risk of losing myself, the risk of being broken hearted-or-living happily ever after. Before Jessica my heart was frozen, put on a shelf, out of service… Her presence in my life made me want to make big Changes. I knew if I truly wanted to make our relationship LAST I had to slay the DEMONS, I had to fight to be in control of myself, and my heart. I had to fight to get back to square one, back to a place where I could love again.
The Demons never go away… They’ll always be there. For Years they will be yelling at us, chattering away in our inner most thoughts, ruling our every decision… and they can rule our entire life if we let them. Battle your Demons… quite the chatter to a whisper. You can take back the power in your life if you face The Demon that you run from.
What do you run from? What scares you?