When I said that I was going to post about S-E-X, Lacey was marginally horrified. There were a couple of reasons behind this; one I think is predominantly cultural. I’m a true blue European who got reprimanded for sunbathing topless when I first came to the US, and Lacey is an all-American sweetheart who’s a little more of a lady…..in public at least
The other concern was exactly how the subject of sex was relevant to an (hopefully) inspirational Health, Fitness and Lifestyle blog? To me, sex, be it the potential of it, the lack of it, our expertise in it, our insecurities, or our enjoyment of it is one of the underpinnings of our lives. Yes, we go to the gym and try to steer clear of sugar because we want a healthy strong body, but it’s also so we can feel sexy and attractive in those bodies. So when the lights get turned out, we can maybe switch them back on . So that when we walk into a room we can feel confident that we are presenting the best versions of ourselves. So we can be potentially desirable to someone that we in turn desire to kiss and caress and touch. There’s no shame in that. That’s an essential element of who we are as people.
I received a request to write about my thoughts on sleeping with somebody on the first date. And just to be clear, by sleeping, I mean sex
I’m an assertive woman. I’ve slept with people on the first date, more than once or twice (sorry mum). I’ve also been made to wait for quite a while. Long-term relationships sometimes actually evolved out of both circumstances; I don’t necessarily think it’s true that sleeping with someone immediately makes them take you less seriously. BUT… I have come to believe that unless you’re literally looking to scratch that itch and get the hell out of Boca, AND that the other person is looking for the same thing, it’s not the most ideal thing to get that intimate that quickly.
DISCLAIMER; I’m speaking from the female perspective here, having never been a man. Male readers: please add a comment and give us your take on the situation!
Here’s what I see A LOT. A great woman, funny, sexy, smart gets all hung up on a guy or a girl who’s really not that right for them. They’re probably pretty hot and have got a certain swagger but that’s often about it. They don’t have much to say, or they’re obviously a major player, they like to party just a little too much, they have a tendency to let you pick up the check on a regular, OR they’re just not that into you. They’re scratching that itch. And yet this woman is into them big time. Women (generally speaking) apparently have a biological mechanism that ensures that the hormones released after getting intimate help create a sensation of bonding with their sex partner. This might have been useful when we needed someone to hunt and kill the dinner for our bambinos, but not so much now when the fact is we were just horny, and a little drunk and on a date with someone who has moves. By getting intimate that fast are we just setting ourselves up to get attached to someone before we have any real idea of what they’re about? Before we know if we even WANT to get involved with them?
As women I sometimes don’t think we’re being fair to ourselves or to the other person. How do they know what you want or don’t want, when they don’t know you and you don’t tell them? Why is it that we can know someone well enough to get down and dirty but most of us would rather die than be clear and honest about what it is we’re looking for? No games, no pretense, not trying to be so damn cool about our feelings all the time.
Sex, especially GOOD sex (if it’s amazing then you’re totally screwed!) creates a false intimacy with someone that you don’t even know if you really like as a person. We can get all obsessed with someone who we’re not compatible with in the slightest. We can even end up in relationships that are going nowhere fast. Just think of that ex somewhere in your past and how you can’t even imagine how THAT ever happened!
By the way….if you’re a girls girl reading this and you don’t identify…I’d ask the last girl you casually hooked up with exactly how she feels about the situation. Two women; the odds are that ONE is feeling a little like this.
There’s no way to predict the outcome of any romantic/sexual entanglement. We’re all human, all fallible and there are no rules that haven’t been broken, nor clichés that haven’t been totally turned on their heads. But I believe that it’s about being honest with yourself on the journey towards what it is that you most want in life. It’s in the same way that if you’re trying to lose weight, or tone up at the gym; you and only YOU know if your hour at the gym was really 10 minutes on the cross-trainer and 50 minutes in the steam room, or if it was really just one cookie. Only we are ultimately in control of how much we want anything in life.
If you’re just feeling frisky and they seem like a fun, SAFE, sexy person, and you just want to cut loose; no regrets, no expectations, then by all means, go do your thing. I’m not knocking it in the slightest . But what I am saying is that if you know that deep down you perhaps would like a relationship in your life, then not sleeping together right away can give you a chance; not to ‘trap’ them or portray yourself as a ‘good’ girl, but to figure out if THEY are who YOU really want.
What are your thoughts and experiences in the journey of love, life and sex?